There's blood in my mouth, 'cause I've been biting my tongue all week.

There's this band I used to like, Rilo Kiley. They fell out of favor as I [re]discovered R&B, but I guess I just remembered why I liked them today.

I've got a few things to talk about. But FIRST:

inchoate - adj. newly begun, incomplete, not organized

Who the hell says inchoate? "My word, sally, the speech I've written to deliver in Gettysburg is still quite inchoate! And whither Mary Wollenstonecraft dares inspire me to write, I cannot write a sentence!"

Haha.

Well, anyway, I'm sick. Cough effin' sneeze sick. Boston's crazy-- we just got like six inches the other day[I was PERFECTLY happy with global warming, kthnx], and now I'm all slipping in ice and whatnot. It's gross and sad.

But that's not why I'm sick. I started getting the sniffles after I pointed out [correctly] to a friend that she's been at my college for like..eight years. Alright, I was being sarcastic, but I certainly didn't deserve her to splash an entire cup of water at me when it's like..8 degrees outside.

I mean, I was mad, if only because I knew what was gonna happen[I'd get sick, and it did happen]. But I guess I shouldn't dish it out if I can't take it? Especially from radioactive females who think it's okay to attack boys and get no sort of reprisal.

Man, I'm so tired of those games.

I mean, I remember thinking when I came out that since I was gay, girls wouldn't like...hit me when I said something funny, or do stupid stuff to me. They're just words-- I've got faults too, crack on me. But it never happens that way. I guess I've just gotta learn to keep my mouth shut more often.

Or get some armor.

Otherwise, I skipped two classes today. That may seem bad, but last semester[and...all of last year], I skipped class so much. Not even intentionally, but I just won't wake up if I don't want to-- or I'll turn off my alarm, go to sleep, and have no recollection of ever having woken up. For instance, last year, I went to like...less than half of all of my intro to philosophy classes. Still wound up with a B, though.

Anyway, now that my schedule practically starts at 12/1:30 everyday, waking up isn't so much of a problem. That said, today was pretty much all of my fault. I had a small reflection paper due today and an Economics problem set, stuff I've known about for a good while now. And, instead of doing it last night, or any other night, I decided to watch Oz instead.

Ohhh, man, do I love Oz. I have this habit, which is why I try not to watch television. Once I start a show, especially if I have the dvds or I'm downloading it, I have to finish it. It was like that with..every anime I've ever seen.[Yeah, I used to be addicted. Now, I only keep up with a few anime. Naruto, Death Note, etc.] It was like that with Noah's Arc.[Hell, it's still like that with Noah's Arc. I've seen each episode like 10 times. And I'm still gonna watch it after I finish Oz.] It was like that with Queer as Folk. And it's like that with Oz.

Spoilers for those who've never seen it, but back when it was on HBO, before I had cable, I'd go to my aunt's house or my grandmother's house to watch it every weekend. It came on Saturday nights, I think. So I already know what's gonna happen, but I'm just waiting for Beecher and Keller to...like, really fall in love again, and so I keep downloading and watching, thinking it's gonna be the next episode. And it still hasn't happened. Man. I'm anxious.

I'm on season three right now. Six more to go.

So, that's my television addiction. Oh, right, and anime. Naruto Shippuuden finally aired, which makes me happy. For those who don't know/care, I'll go for brevity: Naruto's this series about a blond haired brat who wants to become the top ninja in his village, and the anime has been sucking for at least about two years. So I've just been keeping up with the comics.[Which, were also pretty good this week. Probably because of Sasuke.] Anyway, Shippuuden is the show finally following the comics again, and the premiere was really good, I thought. So, yay.

But that's that.

What's really concerning me, I think, is my faith. I mean, I won't pretend I'm a good Catholic-- I think I'm more about the trappings than the actual doctrine. I haven't read the bible for a few years, but I still think about...tattooing "Mary, full of grace" on my arm and "Hail Mary" on my back, and I've got a Mary poster on my wall. Which I think is another problem-- I feel like I know that God comes first, and I recognize God/Christ above all things, but my mind always seems to come back to Mary. I don't know what that's about.

So, the point is I recognize my failings. And I try to be humble in as many manners as I can-- not to force my religion on people, to only talk about it when asked, etc. But I'm starting to wonder about my friends-- granted, a lot of it is just stupid banter and mean jokes, but...I almost feel like I'm being demeaned? And if it continues, I think I'm going to have to bring it up.

I don't want to be tolerated. It's kind of like being gay, for me, being a Catholic-- it's integral to me. I've made my own decision, of my own avowal, and I don't feel comfortable being demeaned for my religious affections.

I feel as if I'm almost losing my way, or something, like I need to pray more. Get my life together. I think I'm getting carried away with being social and forgetting what gives my life meaning. God. Family. Love.

But I also feel as if I'm being self-righteous, which is probably inevitable for me. I'm not even really looking for counsel. I think I just need some down time to re-evaluate where I'm going with my life.

Also, I was thinking of giving up alcohol for Lent, almost as a way of punishing myself[because, Oh man, do I drink often]. But I can't figure out if my reasons are good. Yeah, it's hard, but is that sufficient reason? I'm pretty sure I can think of equally hard things. Using the computer for recreation, for example. Shopping. Partying. And it goes on.

I guess I think I may be using this because I want to distance myself from people or something. Especially since a friend just told me that my giving up alcohol is ridiculous/impossible. I mean, yeah, I guess it was funny, but it's also serious. I shouldn't give it up to prove it to her-- that's not the point of Lent at all. The point is to empathize with Christ's suffering in the desert, from fasting and whatnot. To recognize suffering.

I'm sorry, I'm being all serious and stuff about this.

But that aside, I've been having a lot of good luck lately. I guess I'll talk about that later, though.

Later, holmes and holmettes.