Iron Jails and Puppy Dog Tails.

It's been a while.

It is very much like me that the only time I've felt like making an entry is when I'm feeling at my lowest, but oh well, =P.

So, no new word.

The word on the street is: I KNOW I like adversity and all, but really? Can I get a break?

-- I didn't get either of the SEEDS jobs I wanted.[It's funny-- for the Media whatever, my two good friends wound up getting it while I stupidly forgot to schedule my own damn interview; for the Leadership Position, I just flat out didn't get it.] And I don't know why I didn't get the Leadership thing. I've worked with SEEDS for five years[which I'm pretty sure is more than 95% of the applicants they were getting; the other sites in general don't really have our site's same intern-longevity], I've done community service, I've been working since I was of age. I've a demonstrated interest in education.

It could be because I missed her original phone call for the interview, but my phone was dead. Hmm.

--Getting my passport has been a bitch and a half. I have been going to various Post Offices/Passport places, calling the National Passport Information Center for over two weeks, and also eMailing them. All for an address. Study Abroad Office is getting down my neck about visa applications, and I can't finish my application because I have no passport. I have no passport because my application is incomplete. My application is incomplete because they don't have my birth certificate. And, technically, they did have my birth certificate, but my city invalidated it and made me get another one.[Which was another piece of crap to deal with. I hate VitalChek.] They don't have it now because they WOULD NOT give me an address to send my birth certificate too.

I swear. Thankfully, I finally got through yesterday[and it was so random, too-- I'm so used to dialing the NPIC that it's just habitual, and I was only on like...my fifth redial at 2 p.m. when, instead of getting hung up on, I actually heard-- gasp-- the classical music they play when you're on hold! I almost screamed.] and I overnight-ed everything today. So, hopefully things will work out. Hopefully.

--I am probably the worst Catholic I know. I went to some club in Hoboken, which was a big mistake, with Summer and Nakeefa and wound up walking back home after I couldn't get back in.[Ugh] Then, I had my cousin's confirmation to go to at 9 AM the next day. I was so drunk in that church, it's ridiculous-- I reeked of alcohol. Everyone in my family thinks I'm an alcoholic, my grandfather now has an actual reason to tease me with beer. I am so embarrassed.

Oh, and I wound up throwing up right outside of the church. I really thought I was gonna wind up doing it in the pews; somehow, I made it.

Oh, forgive me, Jesus.

I guess the worst part about this is that all of these are all my fault. 1. My fault for not being a good enough candidate for the job. 2. My fault for losing my rejection letter[Which had the address on it]. 3. My fault for drinking and for going out in the first place[especially when I knew the only thing I ate that day was a bit of rice.].

Honestly, the only good thing that's happened since I've been home has probably been Shawn visiting in NJ. And getting his letter. That made me really happy.

I'm gonna try to get my life together. I've been studying Chinese, and wow, I didn't forget as much as I thought. But I'm still really out of practice. I also have been halfassedly exercising, but I need to step it up a little.

And I will...after I have some ice cream.

I still cannot believe I didn't get that job. I feel like such a damn loser. I don't really need any pick-me-ups either-- I think this is the wakeup call I needed.

Get. your. shit. together.