...we've got a problem.
When it gets to the point that I'm bawling after a driving lesson, there's probably an issue.
I'm not entirely sure why I'm so self-critical, or why even writing this on a public computer at the law school is bringing me to tears, but it needs to stop. I don't entirely understand it-- even fumbling a bit in class today in front of all of my classmates when I obviously didn't adequately know the reading wasn't as emotionally draining.
I don't know why I break myself down in the way that I do, but hopefully I'll learn to stop.
I get it. I am a bad driver when thousands of 16 year olds do this stuff in their sleep. And yes, I know, I know-- experience, not everyone picks it up as fast, whatever. Yes, my driver is an overly smarmy 50something who talks to me as if I am a child, further exacerbating my rage at myself.
And then I beat myself up even further for being crazy/not manning up/not being able to go out in public without breaking out into tears. It never ends! I am my cruelest enemy.
My shirt is practically drenched with sweat. My head hurts. Like, what is all this!? And it wasn't even *that* bad-- I mean, I drove, got berated a bunch of times, same old same old.
Blah. Happy Halloween!
[I swear, there's a lot of good stuff to write about; I'll eventually sit down and do that at some point.]
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1 comment:
Driving is hard and terrifying. Within the first five minutes I was behind the wheel of a car I almost ran into a (parked) mail truck. Most sixteen year olds on the road scare me, and for some reason people who drive an escalade, hummer, or any sort of suv feel the need to drive like douchebags as well. Don't feel so bad about it, my driving has gotten better since I first started but I really don't think I should have had my license at sixteen. I can't even parallel park, but in Newport News the occasion is extremely rare.
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