I don't want to touch it.

So, I decided to read the Fountainhead. Not as quoteworthy as Atlas Shrugged so far, but there's one quote I wanted to get down before I continued, from Domonique Francon:

"You know, it's such a peculiar thing--our idea of mankind in general. We all
have a sort of vague, glowing picture when we say that, something solemn, big
and important. But actually all we know of it is the people we meet in our
lifetime. Look at them. Do you know any you'd feel big and solemn about? There's
nothing but housewives haggling at pushcarts, drooling brats who write dirty
words on the sidewalks, and drunken debutantes. Or their spiritual equivalent.
As a matter of fact, one can feel some respect for people when they suffer. They
have a certain dignity. But have you ever looked at them when they're enjoying
themselves? That's when you see the truth. Look at those who spend the money
they've slaved for--at amusement parks and side shows. Look at those who're rich
and have the whole world open to them. Observe what they pick out for enjoyment.
Watch them in the smarter speak-easies. That's your mankind in general. I don't
want to touch it."

Feels a little privileged, but the last sentences stuck out to me.

The Fountainhead is good, but I'm thinking that I've outgrown Rand. She's so heavy-handed and preachy that everything feels predictable, even if I do like her preaching. I wonder if I'd like Atlas Shrugged as much if I reread it.

Anyway, I'm only about 20% in, so I've got quite a ways to go. Expect a fuller entry later.

Hope everyone's having a good holiday!

Addendum...

I meant to say that part of the reason I like this song might have to do with my discovery that I am not entirely over my ex.

But that's a post for another time-- I should probably wait until I reestablish a reader base before I start whining about my screwy love life again, yes/yes?

Glad you agree.

Someone needs to do my Bankruptcy exam. Really.

I don't believe in studying

So, another idea I had while I was not thinking about Section 362 of the Bankruptcy Code was that I should make blog entries about party ideas.

As a lifelong student of Top 40 music, gay party culture, whiskey and generally messiness, I think this might actually be a good idea.

This post was inspired by my love for Ke$ha's song, "The Harold Song." I normally don't pay Ke$ha much attention, though I do like much of her music-- one of the posters on ONTD described her as a troll in the music industry. Pretty accurate, actually: besides being white, she isn't rail thin or super toned, isn't incredibly attractive. She's just a messy white girl who sing-raps about melodrama and hard liquor: my type of girl.[Though, I do think some of her lyrics on the current album have been transphobic...I might have to do another post about that]

Anyway, I want to have a Ke$ha party. Her song, "The Harold Song" from Cannibal is downright addictive. Now, when I'm "studying", I like to have songs on repeat-- Taylor Swift is generally the unfortunate victim. Lady Gaga, Chiddy Bang, Rihanna, and Shakira have been other victims, so it's actually an honor.

The Harold Song is very different from Tik Tok/We R Who We R. It's more Katy Perry, I guess-- pseudo-introspective, full of youthful melancholy, etc. Maybe it's even like what I used to like about Gaga-- post-modern, tongue-in-cheek.[Except, I don't think Ke$ha pulls it off as well.] I'll post the lyrics at the end of the post.

Anyway, point is: I love this song. And I want to have a Ke$ha party but I'm not sure what that would entail. Animal prints? Glow in the dark face paint? Eagle feathers? None of that sounds very fun. I just want to put my hands up, do shots of tequila and pose for pictures with beautiful people. Can't wait until school is over.

Yes, that will be my Ke$ha party. I also have to think about locale. I don't think the fabulous people of Michigan will appreciate it, unfortunately. And I don't know how my mother feels about having a Ke$ha party at her house over break.

Maybe I'll coop someone's house. Sounds like a plan, Jan!

Okay, lyrics and back to pretending to study. GO!

--

I miss your soft lips. I miss your white sheets.
I miss the scratch of your un-shaved face on my cheek.
And this is so hard cause I didn't see
that you were the love of my life and it kills me.
I see your face in strangers on the street.
I still say your name when I'm talking in my sleep.
And in the limelight, I play it off fine.
But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light.
[Ah]
But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light.
[Ah]

Chorus:
They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me.
Young love murder, that is what this must be.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.

The life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed.
Young love murder, that is what this must be.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.

Verse:
Remember the time we jumped the fence when
the Stones were playing and we were too broke to get in.
You held my hand and then made me cry while
I swore to God it was the best night of my life.
Or when you took me across the world, we
promised that this will last forever but now I see.

It was my past life, a beautiful time
Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sun rise.
[Ah]
Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sun rise.

Chorus:
They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me.
Young love murder, that is what this must be.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.

The life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed.
Young love murder, that is what this must be.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.

Bridge:
It was a past (he was a past life) life, a beautiful time.
Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sun rise. [Till the sun rise.]

Chorus:
They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me.
Young love murder, that is what this must be.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.

The life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed.
Young love murder, that is what this must be.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.

I should be studying...

But, short break.

Hey guys. Just thought I'd showcase another reason why I'm a misanthrope.

The comments are from Queerty's entry on Cassidy here



Couple of things.

1. How delusional is commenter #6, Hank? Hip Hop no longer relevant-- have you looked at an album sales chart? A singles chart? Even as I type, 2 of the top ten albums are Hip Hop albums.[3 if we count Black Eyed Peas]

Also, conflation of hip hop and increased risk of death...classy.

2. Commenter #8, 2 Cents, equally or more delusional than Hank. Baseless conclusions about hip hop audiences[I should really make a critical post on Radiohead/Led Zeppelin/Pink Floyd, honestly; some of the dumbest drones I know rattle them off whenever talking about their favorites].

Clearly, this person has also been listening to too much conservative talk radio and not enough hip hop. Gang bangs? Victim mentality? Popular hip hop, not so much.

And LOL @ coming at the legitimacy of sampling as an art form. And what should they be doing, getting inspiration from older guitar riffs?

Sit the fuck down.

Now, as a troll who's been wreaking havoc on the internet since dialup, I understand the "Idungiveafuk" mentality people get when their fingers hit the keys, but I guess as I get older, I get more critical of these sorts of views.

Honestly, I think what bothers me more is that the posters are probably white, probably gay, probably "liberal" and incredibly annoying. Posters like Tweedledee and Tweedledum are rife throughout the internet spouting their nonsensical opinions based on poorly formed arguments. Yawn yawn. Exactly why gossip blogs and I have such a love-hate-but-mainly-hate relationship.

Honestly, maybe I should do this more often.

Anyway, I should get to Bankruptcy law at some point...ugh.

I dreamt about making this blog updated-on-the-daily. Haha. Maybe I will when school's done. Maybe.

Hope everything's going well! If anyone still reads this thing?
Deuces.

Tweet, Tweet.

I was going to blog about Halloween, but I forgot my iphone cord-- so I can't upload photos. Disappoint.

I was on twitter a little while ago and a friend of mine posted this article:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39993685/ns/health-womens_health/?ocid=twitter

I thought it was well-intended, but was sort of annoyed by it for the most part. So I thought I'd go through it on here.

First of all, the title is "Blacks struggle with 72 percent unwed mothers rate." I suppose we're entering this conversation with the opinion that high rates of unwed motherhood are bad. As a matter of fact, I have no idea what that tagline even means-- I had no idea we were struggling with this unwed motherhood rate. What does that even mean?

Anyway.

There's a OB-GYN that's quoted in the article, Dr. Natalie Caroll. She delivers this quote:

"The girls don't think they have to get married. I tell them children deserve a mama and a daddy. They really do," Carroll says from behind the desk of her office, which has cushioned pink-and-green armchairs, bars on the windows, and a wooden "LOVE" carving between two African figurines. Diamonds circle Carroll's ring finger.

I think what struck me about this was the obviously gendered way of talking about the conversation. Children deserve mothers and fathers? What does that even mean?

Not that I'm opposed to the dual-parent agenda, but I'm not sure why we're entering the conversation this way besides weird biases. Kids deserve quality parenting. I don't know whether that means a mother and a father.

"A mama can't give it all. And neither can a daddy, not by themselves," Carroll says. "Part of the reason is because you can only give that which you have. A mother cannot give all that a man can give. A truly involved father figure offers more fullness to a child's life."

This just seems like she's blowing smoke out of her ass.

One parent simply doesn't have the time/resources to give to a child that that parent + another would be able to give-- I might be able to buy that. I don't know why a mother can't give all that a man can-- Don't know what this means. What can a man give to a child that a woman can't?

I might not disagree re: involved father figures, but one can have father figures without a father present.

"The reaction was swift and ferocious. She had many supporters, but hundreds of others attacked NWNW online as shallow, anti-feminist, lacking solutions, or a conservative tool. "

Really. I wonder why.

--

So that was a pretty quick, angled reading of the article. I thought the article was written poorly and will stay away from articles by Jesse Washington in the future.[Then again, I don't recall much of what's written on MSNBC being well-written...so.]

RE: the comments about the author Mrs. Karazin's writing being a conservative tool...I don't know.

It's clear she has an agenda-- that she is pro-mother-and-father families. Which is completely fine. What isn't fine, though, is that her rationalization for it is based on complete tripe.

What I like about conservatives is that, generally, I don't get the feeling that they're hiding the ball all of the time. Instead of this undercover, poorly reasoned stuff.

--

Anyway, first long entry in a while. Excuse me for not spelling a lot of things out or being clearer.

At the library, gonna try to get some work done. Long day, long night.

Deuces.

Remembrance of Time Past

So, as it generally does happen, I am back.

It's been a pretty emotional couple of weeks. I don't know why Octobers are usually so crazy. But they are.

Anyway, I am quite possibly the most disrespectful writer that there is. But I'm coming to terms with that.

I'll be writing a longer entry tomorrow. Probably gonna work out a bit, have some wine, before I go to do some karaoke for a friend's birthday.

I think I missed this, the catharsis.

Much love.

Crucifixes, gnawing on my neck

I've been restless for what feels like ages, but it's only been approximately two weeks.

Finals are over. Finished my craptastic write-on: for those who had the common sense not to go to law school, the "write-on" refers to the amazing writing application process in which 1Ls try to write onto one of the law journals at school.

Lawyers and upperclass students tell us journal status is necessary, and I suppose that should be gospel for us 1Ls who just want to make it into biglaw[read: one of the fabulous law firms where you make tons of money and have little time to spend it]. Maybe I'll write about my feelings about the law in a bit. Deserves several posts.

I finished that process on Monday, barely making it to a midnight post-office, and have been brain dead ever since. Reading stuff at Top Law Schools and beating myself up over not having good grades, and really just wanting to lie around. And watch Chinese TV.

--
I was somewhere, though, somewhere online. And I remembered a conversation I was having with a friend, Adaora, about Avatar, the movie. Of all things, eh? I'm not a fan of the movie, and think it's pretty much a rip of Ferngully/Dances with Wolves/WHATEVER-- white man goes to native land, falls in love with the native girl, becomes a hero, etc. Of course, there're other qualities that make Avatar stand out-- the cinematographic brilliance, the relation it has to the current state of affairs, the environmental themes[I guess? I seem to also recall some animal hunting, but my memory's off], and of course that it's been able to capture the hearts and minds of so many people.

To be honest, I'd rather leave the film conversations to the actual professionals-- I'm just a layman and I'm very simple. In fact, I'm worse than a layman: I don't like movies. The total number of movies I actually enjoyed watching probably hovers around 15-20-- everything else has my lost my attention at one point or another. So, I'm a bad example.

The last movie I enjoyed in a movie theatre was probably Revolutionary Road, and that's because it's very faithful to the book.

Anyway, in the conversation, we were going back and forth, and at some point something comes up about "an African perspective", and that I and an African-American female who also disliked Avatar "didn't get it." "It" being a referent to the African perspective, or her perspective as an African, or what an average African would think about the movie, or whatever it is that she meant. I asked for an explanation, but she refused, at which point I suppose any meaningful line of conversation on that line broke down.

I was angry about it: it felt like a copout for someone who couldn't explain her point well enough. Bring up some identity issue that clearly disables your opponent from rebuttal-- all smoke and mirrors for a weak position. But, I think one thing I've learned is that people from underrepresented groups are not required to educate the ignorant masses[ie: me] about whatever misunderstandings we have. We need to educate ourselves; this burden shifting to the people with knowledge on the subject[ie: Adaora] is unfair and a vestige of privilege. Or so the liberals would say.

I think it's because I can understand this line of protest that I didn't write off her entire argument as rubbish.

It did have me thinking about African identity though, and that is a good thing.
--

Now, I think I've been a bit naive about "black." Actually, I think I'm naive about nomenclature in general-- liberals like to make a big deal about the power of words, the attachments they have, all that jazz. This is when my conservative impulse kicks in and I start to say "f*ck it", but I can somewhat get it, even if I'm not persuaded. The issues with "queer" or "gay" for example-- the images they're associated with, or whatever gripes people apparently have with the terms.

ETA: Actually, I suppose it is persuasive as I think about it: there's probably a deserved anger at being coopted into a movement that doesn't even recognize that you exist, pretends to tell your story even though it has nothing to do with you and refuses to engage you while subsuming you. I was being overly being derisive; this is very persuasive. I guess I'm not entirely convinced that nomenclature rejection is the way out, but. But.

I guess I've been similarly under the interpretation that Black wasn't really an objectionable term. If you have a drop of Black blood, you're Black. Of course, self-identification is a component, but this reclassification of people with mixed ancestry as something other than...Black is a revision of Black history and ignores the fact that Black people are and have been mixed for centuries.

Anyway. A definition with the term it defines in the definition, how useful is that? Black, I thought, was African ancestry of some sort-- whatever that means. There, catchall.

Of course, nomenclature issues. I think I've vaguely been aware of the fact that there are people who fit my understanding who don't identify as Black, and I've been trying to brainstorm as to why. One of the reasons is the more obvious one that I've known for a while-- African Americans are pathetic, to speak harshly. The lack of education, the health afflictions, the incarceration rates, ghetto culture, the current state of hip-hop and the negative impression we apparently leave upon every other demographic in this country.

Fine. I get that.

I imagine another is that "Black" as a movement, term, or whatever, is a fiction created by African Americans. I guess what I mean is that non-African-American-African-descended people["NAADP"] might be hostile to being subsumed into Black because they have had very little part in its construction. It was invented by African-Americans, largely discusses the African American experience[whatever that is? Neither am I sure of its veracity], and makes no reference to the lives that NAAADP people live. It's based on an American conception of race that most of the world doesn't even acknowledge, so the entire point of view of some greater "Black" diaspora is invalid.[Though, I'd imagine a Pan-African something or other would have more credence]

Or maybe that it's presumptuous-- should we all just identify as African instead?

Alright, I'm losing clarity and this entry is being unwieldy for me to continue a proper discussion. The point is: Black is simple. I assumed there was an automatic concession that the Black experience is varied and complicated, but that may be false. I imagine African-African-American relations must also play some part-- ignorance on both sides, whatever. I certainly remember some of the horrible things my classmates said about a classmate who came from Kenya when I was in middle school. Though, they were mainly Caribbean-American, so...is that a different issue?

Another reason I wanted to move to China: Americans, including the immigrants who move here, are so touchy for one reason or another. Didn't really have any issues with the Tanzanians and the Ethiopians I hung with, but I also didn't identify them as Black, at least out loud. So maybe that made things easier? We didn't really need a conversation about race.

These conversations, man. To quote Ke$hia: "Blah blah blah."

Sorry, also: the quality of this entry is much lower than I expected, but my computer also crashed and I lost most of what I originally wrote, so. I'll try to keep things at a higher standard as I get back into the swing of things.

Deuces.

In memorium.

I just found out my great-grandmother died recently, and so I tried to write something in her honor. Nothing really captures how great of a person she was, but I thought it was the least I could do.

--
"Lucille"

My fingers snap green beans,
Forcing them from their pods,
Nectar spilling and staining
my fingers.
The mark of a good woman was
Her ability to drown in these juices at every meal,
To kiss the kitchen floor with her feet
And bless the pots with her biceps,
To inhale the dust from every fabric in her house
With her wrists. And to hold her breath and drown.
I was always an adept swimmer.
I was the type of woman who was indifferent to the stream,
To the moral fibers not within my chest,
A lone fragment, pliant but weathered.
Mulberry lips and sharp knuckles,
Eyes colored from the cotton fields,
Eyes colored from the human heart.
I was the type of woman
To kiss thunder and pray in the snow,
Knobby knees on frozen asphalt,
In silent worship of the woman named
Lucille.

--

Rest, great-grandma. I love you and hope you've found peace.

Topaz Tobbogans

So, as I'm sure I've mentioned, I tend to always have some problem or another with car pools or otherwise riding with people.

A friend of mine here, a classmate, has been giving me rides for most of the semester but last week told me she wouldn't be able to. I went back to the bus. Yesterday, though, she told me it would be cool to ride with her again but when I got there[approximately the same time we usually left], she was already gone.

I'm not entirely sure what to make of it, but it was at the very least frustrating. All I can really recollect are the feelings once I get there and realize I have no way to get to class. How much this reminds me of last semester, of high school, of the helplessness and feelings of distress. And then I think that if only I knew how to drive, or if I didn't depend on people as much as I did, this wouldn't be happening to me over and over. I clearly must enjoy this.

Anyway, so I called cab after cab since no one apparently knows how to get one in less than a half hour to arrive at my place. Finally got one. And then, because I was waiting near the high way, I saw a mentor from the Black Law Student Association; he and his ladyfriend gave me ride to school. Literally a Godsend. I was sort of befuddled and tired but I think I managed to express my gratitude.

Point is. I will be going back to taking the bus until I get my license. It's the same story over and over and I'm really the only one responsible for getting myself to class everyday.

I wish I had a transporter.
--

I also wanted to blog about first degree murder and risk-taking in the law.

I was recently called on in my Criminal Law class to talk about Midgett v. State. Midgett v. State was a case about a father of two or so children who abused his son to death. The guy was 6 feet, 300 lbs; his son was 45 lbs, all of eight years old. Abused him for a substantial amount of time; eventually the blunt force trauma that he delivered caused the kid's death. There was also discoloration and signs of malnourishment on the boy. The sister testified that the father was a drinker and that she saw the dad hit the boy.

Now, the primary difference in Arkansas between 1st and 2nd degree murder convictions is that 1st requires evidence of premeditation/deliberation. Midgett countered that there was no evidence showing that; rather, he only wanted to abuse his child. And even if he did have an intent to kill, it was developed in a "drunken, heated rage", which I imagine should negate the premeditation requirement and drop him to 2nd degree.

The court ruled, correctly I think, that there was no ground for 1st degree murder. While Midgett starved the kid, he didn't starve the kid to death. And while he beat him, I don't think any of us who don't have formal physiological training generally know how much abuse a human body can take before the person actually dies-- I could easily conceive of the guy thinking he would hit the kid until he vented all of his frustration without any expectation of the kid's death.

Premeditation requires some showing that before beating the boy to death, Midgett at least contemplated or realized the likelihood of the boy's death. Nothing really here besides the fact that a father, albeit a horrible, drunken one, enjoyed hitting his child with excessive force.

Be that as it may, the description was pretty graphic and I have no doubt that I would have voted for 1st degree murder for Midgett. This was apparently astounding to my Criminal Law professor. As she made me engage with her in typical socratic method fashion, she asked about my feelings about the decision and I explained that essentially jurors are probably unsympathetic to what are really errors on the part of lawmakers-- had there been a law on the books that causing death in the act of abusing a child qualifies as 1st degree murder, then he could have been correctly convicted. Because there was no such law, jurors were being forced to choose a lesser sentence in spite of the egregious circumstances. I definitely would have chose to convict for 1st degree murder not for actually satisfying the formal requirements but for the expressive purpose: as an expression of society's condemnation, it only makes sense to deliver the highest punishment available to Midgett.

This was apparently bewildering. A jurist not following the rules?

Anyway, there was more socratic method, and she asked me about why defendants ask for jury instruction on lesser sentences when they might just get acquitted[I'd explain, but it'd probably take a while], I only became more convinced of another point: regardless of whatever thinkers like to tell themselves, the explanations in law casebooks and given by professors is not realistic. In fact, I'd say most of the discussion we go through is more or less fiction-- I don't actually think lawyers think the reasoning is actually valid, do they? In fact, I'd say most of the justifications/policy discussions around law are really just mental acrobatics.

It's really just like philosophy, another field divorced from reality.

So, while it's all interesting and I do think there's insight to be gained, I'm not particularly convinced of the policy reasons behind a lot of law, and when I engage in discussions with my professors, I'm always wondering if they actually believe what they're telling me or if we just learn it just because.

I guess that makes me a skeptic.

Alright...Post Office in a little while in the job scramble.

A little bird showed me

The title's from one of my recent artist addictions, Jose James; he's featured on a song, "Little Bird", from Jazzanova. Really beautiful piece; the combination of the instruments in the background and his smooth voice really created a nice song. I sent it to the boyfriend as a testament to my feelings.

Give it a listen when you get a chance.



--
Again, trying to give up top-40. I'll try to include more music that I'm listening to.

Let's see. I'm in the library right now. I have a to-do list of things to do but when I start any one thing-- I never know how to finish it. For example, driving. That deserves a series of posts on its own merits, but. In my efforts to actually get my license at some point, I'm trying to finish the last hour of my lessons. No instructor seems to be responding to my call. I'm not sure whether or not word has spread around this desolate little Michigan town that I am the worst driving student known to man, but. The point is, no one takes my call, and it stays on my to-do list. My to-do list grows larger.

I think I'm just going to set up a road test like I said I would and keep taking it until I pass.

I know I said I'd talk re: DADT[Don't Ask Don't Tell] but more recently, an article was passed around on the LGBTQ listserv at UMich Law that state rep Paul Scott here in Michigan is "[making it a priority it a priority to ensure transgender individuals will not be allowed to change the sex on their driver’s license in any circumstance."

Typical obfuscatory politics.

To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what issues Mr. Scott could bring up, but there are certainly more pressing ones than “preventing people who are males genetically from dressing as a woman and going into female bathrooms.”

It's this typical sort of fear-mongering that's characteristic of Republican politics that disappoints me so much with their leadership. Even if Dems are nutty, Republicans leave you very little choice. Minus the Tea Party stuff...but I can discuss that in another entry.

Anyway, there are anti-discrimination laws in place against gender disphoria, which qualifies as a disability, but Mr. Scott doesn't believe he'll run afoul of them. I guess.

Source is here.

Next entry will probably be about some of the things we discuss in Criminal Law/Civil Procedure/Constitutional Law. Might do one tonight. Who knows~

RE:: Phoenicians and Lengthy Light Years

So, this is something like my return.

In a short review, I have given up or at least strictly limited my participation in everything dear to me. These things are:

--comic books
--comic book forums
--facebook
--other forums
--ONTD/gossip websites
--Engadget/most blog sites

In exchange, I'll probably start blogging about law stuff all of the time in an attempt to become a better law student.

In class now, but I'll start blogging about the potential repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell in a bit. Hope to update you guys as well relatively soon, for those who still follow.

Much love,
Steven