Some quotes that I like:
"Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody." -- Catcher in the Rye.
I never reread anything, but I have the strangest desire to reread Catcher in the Rye. When I read it, around age 13 in my summer before high school, I thought Holden was such a neurotic dick. Even though he did remind me of myself and some of my friends, he wasn't a character I particularly wanted to read about.
I think I would feel differently about it now. It also makes me want to reread Franny and Zoey, which I don't think I ever finished? I did love the pretentiousness of it all, though.
Another quote:
"If a little dreaming is dangerous, the cure for it is not to dream less but to dream more, to dream all the time. " -- A Remembrance of Things Past, Volume II.
I forgot how much I adore Marcel Proust. He's also on my list of rereads.
I'll add a few more. Scan if you can; read if you might.
"But, when nothing subsists from a distant past, after the death of others, after the destruction of objects, only the senses of smell and taste, weaker but more enduring, more intangible, more persistent, more faithful, continue for a long time, like souls, to remember, to wait, to hope, on the ruins of all the rest, to bring without flinching, on their nearly impalpable droplet, the immense edifice of memory."
"Society people are often myopic; at the moment when the cease all relations with Jewish ladies of their acquaintance, as they wonder how to fill the void, they notice, pushed among them as if by a stormy night, a new lady, who is also Jewish; but thanks to her newness, she is not associated in their minds, as were the earlier ladies, with what they believe they must detest. she does not demand that they respect her God. She is adopted. It was not a question of antisemitism when I first started to go to Odette’s."
"There is probably not one person, however great his virtue, who cannot be led by the complexities of life’s circumstances to a familiarity with the vices he condemns the most vehemently—without his completely recognizing this vice which, disguised as certain events, touches him and wounds him: strange words, an inexplicable attitude, on a given night, of the person whom he otherwise has so many reasons to love."
"Let us leave pretty women to men devoid of imagination."
All from A Remembrance of Things Past. Other quotes may be found here.
And he's Queer? Amazing. Proust has this amazing way of taking everything that I like about Old world writing and doing it so incredibly well. He makes me want to be a novelist.
In other news, I've been feeling this change come on for a while-- I was talking to Irene about it earlier. That I'm slowing down, getting a little less excited? I keep seeing myself in tea shops, wearing sweaters, screaming less and adventuring even less so.
In other words, I am feeling heartbroken in a number of ways, melancholy, and literary. The last one is a good thing-- I always think I'm a better writer when I'm a little sad.
Still reading 1984. And I really need to start studying for finals.
Wish me luck.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Air, Brain and Physical Conditioning.
I was looking back at my first entry and I think I wanted this blog to be a little more issue oriented. Maybe I'll try that.
I was reading the news for the past hour or so, enjoying my Saturday hangover.[Perhaps I'll talk about last night at some point] Normally, I just go onto google news every now and then and try to randomly read articles but I went to specific sites today.
I don't know why I thought I would like the Huffington Post. It seems creative, interesting, hip and young-- I should be a good fit. But I was reading a few articles for about a half hour and many of the arguments were utterly unconvincing. I couldn't help tearing them apart in my head. It's also a tad too liberal for my tastes.
I am starting to like BBC, though-- I think they have a good, critical way of reporting. Perhaps a bit liberal but it doesn't bother me as much, for some reason.
The people on Biased-BBC seem to have a problem with it, though.
Maybe the Telegraph would be a better fit. Hmm.
In other news. Hopefully I remember to talk about this. The link features a video of verbal fisticuffs between Whoopi Goldberg and Elisabeth Hasselbeck, on the View. I've seen the show maybe twice, tops, and even I knew enough to predict the ending: someone crying.
Anyway, they're arguing about the use of the n word. After posting on some Black Gay forums[I'd link but...perhaps some anonymity here and there is a good thing], I've been thinking about my own position on it as well-- I don't know if I've done my obligatory post on the n-word. Might as well do it now.
It bothers me when someone who doesn't have a good reason to use it uses it. Namely, those who do it because they're friends are doing it or it's in vogue or whatever. The only acceptable reason to use the n-word is to de-power it, if someone has the deliberate intent in mind of reducing the word's power and taking ownership of it.
Of course, even by using it without having some sort of agenda to reduce the stigma around the n-word, you still reduce its stigma. Albeit unconsciously. So perhaps my position doesn't have a leg to stand on after all. Part of me realizes this, which is why I've gradually become more liberal about it, but it's still not a word I use or see myself ever using. Might have something to do with the way I was raised.
Elisabeth's line about "trying to live in the same world" struck me. Is that really the goal? I disagree for the most part.
But I'm tired of talking about the n word.
In other news, currently reading:
My edition is different but this one has a cooler cover. I feel as if there are a slew of books that people are expected to have read before college or in college, this being one of them. So I'm giving it a go before it gets to late.
It's alright so far; I'm about a hundred pages in. Maybe I'll try to plow through it today.
Hopefully I can keep this up-- talking about books, I mean. If there's anything I actually *do* often, it's read. Maybe next entry I'll make a list of recommendations or start doing reviews here.
I'm off. Later, duckies.
I was reading the news for the past hour or so, enjoying my Saturday hangover.[Perhaps I'll talk about last night at some point] Normally, I just go onto google news every now and then and try to randomly read articles but I went to specific sites today.
I don't know why I thought I would like the Huffington Post. It seems creative, interesting, hip and young-- I should be a good fit. But I was reading a few articles for about a half hour and many of the arguments were utterly unconvincing. I couldn't help tearing them apart in my head. It's also a tad too liberal for my tastes.
I am starting to like BBC, though-- I think they have a good, critical way of reporting. Perhaps a bit liberal but it doesn't bother me as much, for some reason.
The people on Biased-BBC seem to have a problem with it, though.
Maybe the Telegraph would be a better fit. Hmm.
In other news. Hopefully I remember to talk about this. The link features a video of verbal fisticuffs between Whoopi Goldberg and Elisabeth Hasselbeck, on the View. I've seen the show maybe twice, tops, and even I knew enough to predict the ending: someone crying.
Anyway, they're arguing about the use of the n word. After posting on some Black Gay forums[I'd link but...perhaps some anonymity here and there is a good thing], I've been thinking about my own position on it as well-- I don't know if I've done my obligatory post on the n-word. Might as well do it now.
It bothers me when someone who doesn't have a good reason to use it uses it. Namely, those who do it because they're friends are doing it or it's in vogue or whatever. The only acceptable reason to use the n-word is to de-power it, if someone has the deliberate intent in mind of reducing the word's power and taking ownership of it.
Of course, even by using it without having some sort of agenda to reduce the stigma around the n-word, you still reduce its stigma. Albeit unconsciously. So perhaps my position doesn't have a leg to stand on after all. Part of me realizes this, which is why I've gradually become more liberal about it, but it's still not a word I use or see myself ever using. Might have something to do with the way I was raised.
Elisabeth's line about "trying to live in the same world" struck me. Is that really the goal? I disagree for the most part.
But I'm tired of talking about the n word.
In other news, currently reading:
My edition is different but this one has a cooler cover. I feel as if there are a slew of books that people are expected to have read before college or in college, this being one of them. So I'm giving it a go before it gets to late.
It's alright so far; I'm about a hundred pages in. Maybe I'll try to plow through it today.
Hopefully I can keep this up-- talking about books, I mean. If there's anything I actually *do* often, it's read. Maybe next entry I'll make a list of recommendations or start doing reviews here.
I'm off. Later, duckies.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Blood Brothers
And this is what happens when you force a poem.
Don't try this at home.
Blood Brothers
I assume we were blood brothers,
though we never bled enough to tell.
Beer brothers at the very least,
drowning in whiskey together,
my hand not in his as we crossed
black streets.
I am not sure when 'are' became 'were',
when my blood coagulated and turned into
something irrevocably different,
irrevocably queer and possibly sinister,
when the jeans I wore became even more cum-stained
than his.
But when they did, what we had stopped being an
adventure and started being a
crusade.
--
Also, I apparently love myself to the point that I am uninterested in other people.
I wish someone could have told me this earlier.
Don't try this at home.
Blood Brothers
I assume we were blood brothers,
though we never bled enough to tell.
Beer brothers at the very least,
drowning in whiskey together,
my hand not in his as we crossed
black streets.
I am not sure when 'are' became 'were',
when my blood coagulated and turned into
something irrevocably different,
irrevocably queer and possibly sinister,
when the jeans I wore became even more cum-stained
than his.
But when they did, what we had stopped being an
adventure and started being a
crusade.
--
Also, I apparently love myself to the point that I am uninterested in other people.
I wish someone could have told me this earlier.
Vacuum cleaner nightmares, on Monday nights.
Perhaps I should stop apologizing for my inconsistency. I'm torn. On the one hand, my apologies and half-assed reasons explaining what has led to yet anotherspell of bad blogging gives me a gimmick. A way to start every entry-- maybe it's endearing.
As I was going through it, though, I've noticed how often I actually do start with "sorry" or something other, and do I really mean it? If I did, I'd probably be more consistent. Right?
So, I apologize for not being sorry enough. I am working on it.
I am going to let you all in on a little secret, since I'm apparently being introspective and thinking on this sticky Monday night.[Have I mentioned Japan has suddenly become hot as BALLS?] I have this bad habit. It's small, I suppose, and I'm not entirely sure how to explain it. But I'll try. I actually check my blog quite often, and the comments from last entry were really quite moving. And I intended to write an entry quite a while ago but I kept avoiding it, putting it off, thinking of doing Japanese homework that I would eventually leave undone. And this snowballs, somehow, hours become days, my "I'll write an entry tomorrow"s slip from my mind. And before I realize, a month has passed.
The same thing happens with eMails, actually. Someone will send me an eMail-- my teachers, my advisors, even my mom and I'll go through the same motions of delay. First a half-hour, then a few hours, and while I've been too busy assing around playing Hearts or reading the Economist time will crawl by until it's some obscene hour. And when it gets too late, I always feel as if it's too late to write an eMail, as if my fingers stop working properly after 11 P.M., and so it'd be best to leave it to tomorrow. Rinse and repeat. Magically, a week has gone by and my advisor is now messaging my classmates to relay information because I've been too unfeeling to respond to an eMail asking if I was in good health after my trip to China. As melodramatic as it sounds, I really fear getting eMails.
So, now we've all become closer.
I'm unsure of what this entry should be about. Perhaps race.
There's no way I could seriously discuss all of my feelings about race in Japan in one entry. But one recent development is worth talking about, namely what seems to be the white guilt of some of my classmates and my recent ineptness in tackling racism and prejudice.
For the past month or so, it's become apparent to everyone in the dorm that I am a "heavy drinker", since I'm hungover for half of the week most of the time. This has led to me being invited to the drunk brigade with two of my Tufts classmates-- one is short, sort of pudgy-ish, black hair, typical NJ-but-spends-time-in-NY kind of suburban type. The other is tall, bald, in his thirties, Californian joker type, I guess. And so we usually go out drinking every Thursday, sometimes with another boy, who's from California.
On one such night, as we were chugging cheap Japanese beers, getting ready to go to a nomi-houdai[all you can drink, essentially], I was asked: "So, since we're close now, I can make Black jokes, right?"
As I held my beer can to my lips, I raised my eyebrows. I didn't even dignify it with an answer. Just, "huh?"
"Well, I mean, now that we're good friends and stuff, you know that I wouldn't mean any jokes offensively, right? You can make Jewish jokes and stuff too; it's totally cool."
Or something to that effect.
I just looked. And laughed. And looked some more. I think I gave something akin to a "yeah, sure" because, as I'll get to later, I have become incredibly lazy and, as mentioned above, inept with dealing with racial issues.
I don't recall what exactly was said. Some comments about Hypnotiq being a "Black drink"[though they've all had it more often than I have, apparently] and some other nonsense. This has all been snowballing, and I made the mistake of making a statement the other night that I think will only add to the enabling. The conversation went something like the following:
Me:"Yeah, my high school was pretty expensive too, about 25K a year."
M: "Wow, yours was expensive too?"
Me: "For no reason. I mean, there was nothing extraordinary about, I guess it was because I got to go to school with you guys."
M., the guy I was talking to, is Jewish. What I meant by "you guys" was people with money, and from context, it sort of makes sense. But what I'm pretty sure it was taken as was a Jewish joke, which was not what I meant. We were interrupted by some other people coming to our little "Beer garden" party and so I never was able to clarify myself. Plus, I was pretty drunk at this point. I'm just pretty sure that this came off as me agreeing to that little, "you can make Jewish jokes, too" permission that I was given. Which was not my intent.
I'm pretty sure I'm enabling.
Anyway, I suppose I don't laugh enough when one of them compares me to Jero[have I talked about him? If not, then that deserves its own entry. He's a Black singer in Japan] or when a joke is made about Kanye West or Flavor Flav. And so, at least in the past two weeks, two of the four have felt the need to give me apologies about it, about, once again, how they don't mean to be offensive and hope I am not taking the jokes in that way.
I, of course, feel some kind of way about it. But as when Jefferson[a Nigerian] used the n-word in China, or when another Latino friend of mine used it, or as when someone else made a racial faux pas that made me uncomfortable over the past year, I have preferred to ignore it instead of explaining why that sort of behavior makes me uncomfortable.
There's a lot more to say[like, say, my actual opinion, I guess] but it's almost ten o'clock and I'd rather pretend to do my homework. Maybe I'll make a part two to this entry.
Anyway, yesterday, a friend here took a picture of the front of a Japanese record store here in Kanazawa and I am going to steal that now and post it. Credit to him, of course.[Whatever, I'm not a real blogger; I can plagiarize...right?]
This led to us "talking about" a series of issues-- and by talking about, I mean, him asking me questions about racism and me responding. This is unfortunately my general impression of racial dialogue with white or passable "liberals"-- them asking questions and the other responding with their complaints and grievances. But I shall leave that topic for another entry. Either way, he asked me a series of questions-- "Which country do you feel is more racist, China or Japan?", "What types of racism did you deal with in America?", etc. And part of me was reluctant to answer-- here this goes again, if and when I fail to adequately represent Black grievances to a potential ally in the struggle for Black Power!!![yes, the exclamations are necessary], I will have to deal with the disappointment, with my sudden ineptness in explaining why a lot of Black people are still mad.
And instead of talking about the jail system, or how race relations in the 1960s and beforehand in the US has had major effects on class and gender issues in the Black community today, or the public schooling system, or health issues, or WHATEVER, I wound up saying getting chased by cops.
And I always feel as if, as silly as it might be, that despite their oh-so-bleeding hearts, and the compassion that they wear on their sleeves and facebook profiles, that many of these white liberals have a quota, a limit to how many times they can ask a Black person about racism. So. What if I'm the last person they can fit in the quota? And if I, the rare sagelike Black kid who's almost done with a relatively good college, cannot answer these questions appropriately-- who will?
And this is all what runs through the mind of a petty Juggernaut like me when I get asked these questions.
It's hot as balls. I have homework but I want to write a poem. And I've been thinking of that comic that I wanted to write, again.
I imagine this entry is possibly offensive, and I'd apologize, but...do I mean it?
Hopefully this entry was a good exercise in honesty, a faculty I've forgotten how to use properly. I'll come in and do clean up later, if necessary.
Much love. There's so much more to say-- I think I might actually write another entry tomorrow but with me, that's probably as likely as leeches raining from the sky.
Fin.
As I was going through it, though, I've noticed how often I actually do start with "sorry" or something other, and do I really mean it? If I did, I'd probably be more consistent. Right?
So, I apologize for not being sorry enough. I am working on it.
I am going to let you all in on a little secret, since I'm apparently being introspective and thinking on this sticky Monday night.[Have I mentioned Japan has suddenly become hot as BALLS?] I have this bad habit. It's small, I suppose, and I'm not entirely sure how to explain it. But I'll try. I actually check my blog quite often, and the comments from last entry were really quite moving. And I intended to write an entry quite a while ago but I kept avoiding it, putting it off, thinking of doing Japanese homework that I would eventually leave undone. And this snowballs, somehow, hours become days, my "I'll write an entry tomorrow"s slip from my mind. And before I realize, a month has passed.
The same thing happens with eMails, actually. Someone will send me an eMail-- my teachers, my advisors, even my mom and I'll go through the same motions of delay. First a half-hour, then a few hours, and while I've been too busy assing around playing Hearts or reading the Economist time will crawl by until it's some obscene hour. And when it gets too late, I always feel as if it's too late to write an eMail, as if my fingers stop working properly after 11 P.M., and so it'd be best to leave it to tomorrow. Rinse and repeat. Magically, a week has gone by and my advisor is now messaging my classmates to relay information because I've been too unfeeling to respond to an eMail asking if I was in good health after my trip to China. As melodramatic as it sounds, I really fear getting eMails.
So, now we've all become closer.
I'm unsure of what this entry should be about. Perhaps race.
There's no way I could seriously discuss all of my feelings about race in Japan in one entry. But one recent development is worth talking about, namely what seems to be the white guilt of some of my classmates and my recent ineptness in tackling racism and prejudice.
For the past month or so, it's become apparent to everyone in the dorm that I am a "heavy drinker", since I'm hungover for half of the week most of the time. This has led to me being invited to the drunk brigade with two of my Tufts classmates-- one is short, sort of pudgy-ish, black hair, typical NJ-but-spends-time-in-NY kind of suburban type. The other is tall, bald, in his thirties, Californian joker type, I guess. And so we usually go out drinking every Thursday, sometimes with another boy, who's from California.
On one such night, as we were chugging cheap Japanese beers, getting ready to go to a nomi-houdai[all you can drink, essentially], I was asked: "So, since we're close now, I can make Black jokes, right?"
As I held my beer can to my lips, I raised my eyebrows. I didn't even dignify it with an answer. Just, "huh?"
"Well, I mean, now that we're good friends and stuff, you know that I wouldn't mean any jokes offensively, right? You can make Jewish jokes and stuff too; it's totally cool."
Or something to that effect.
I just looked. And laughed. And looked some more. I think I gave something akin to a "yeah, sure" because, as I'll get to later, I have become incredibly lazy and, as mentioned above, inept with dealing with racial issues.
I don't recall what exactly was said. Some comments about Hypnotiq being a "Black drink"[though they've all had it more often than I have, apparently] and some other nonsense. This has all been snowballing, and I made the mistake of making a statement the other night that I think will only add to the enabling. The conversation went something like the following:
Me:"Yeah, my high school was pretty expensive too, about 25K a year."
M: "Wow, yours was expensive too?"
Me: "For no reason. I mean, there was nothing extraordinary about, I guess it was because I got to go to school with you guys."
M., the guy I was talking to, is Jewish. What I meant by "you guys" was people with money, and from context, it sort of makes sense. But what I'm pretty sure it was taken as was a Jewish joke, which was not what I meant. We were interrupted by some other people coming to our little "Beer garden" party and so I never was able to clarify myself. Plus, I was pretty drunk at this point. I'm just pretty sure that this came off as me agreeing to that little, "you can make Jewish jokes, too" permission that I was given. Which was not my intent.
I'm pretty sure I'm enabling.
Anyway, I suppose I don't laugh enough when one of them compares me to Jero[have I talked about him? If not, then that deserves its own entry. He's a Black singer in Japan] or when a joke is made about Kanye West or Flavor Flav. And so, at least in the past two weeks, two of the four have felt the need to give me apologies about it, about, once again, how they don't mean to be offensive and hope I am not taking the jokes in that way.
I, of course, feel some kind of way about it. But as when Jefferson[a Nigerian] used the n-word in China, or when another Latino friend of mine used it, or as when someone else made a racial faux pas that made me uncomfortable over the past year, I have preferred to ignore it instead of explaining why that sort of behavior makes me uncomfortable.
There's a lot more to say[like, say, my actual opinion, I guess] but it's almost ten o'clock and I'd rather pretend to do my homework. Maybe I'll make a part two to this entry.
Anyway, yesterday, a friend here took a picture of the front of a Japanese record store here in Kanazawa and I am going to steal that now and post it. Credit to him, of course.[Whatever, I'm not a real blogger; I can plagiarize...right?]
This led to us "talking about" a series of issues-- and by talking about, I mean, him asking me questions about racism and me responding. This is unfortunately my general impression of racial dialogue with white or passable "liberals"-- them asking questions and the other responding with their complaints and grievances. But I shall leave that topic for another entry. Either way, he asked me a series of questions-- "Which country do you feel is more racist, China or Japan?", "What types of racism did you deal with in America?", etc. And part of me was reluctant to answer-- here this goes again, if and when I fail to adequately represent Black grievances to a potential ally in the struggle for Black Power!!![yes, the exclamations are necessary], I will have to deal with the disappointment, with my sudden ineptness in explaining why a lot of Black people are still mad.
And instead of talking about the jail system, or how race relations in the 1960s and beforehand in the US has had major effects on class and gender issues in the Black community today, or the public schooling system, or health issues, or WHATEVER, I wound up saying getting chased by cops.
And I always feel as if, as silly as it might be, that despite their oh-so-bleeding hearts, and the compassion that they wear on their sleeves and facebook profiles, that many of these white liberals have a quota, a limit to how many times they can ask a Black person about racism. So. What if I'm the last person they can fit in the quota? And if I, the rare sagelike Black kid who's almost done with a relatively good college, cannot answer these questions appropriately-- who will?
And this is all what runs through the mind of a petty Juggernaut like me when I get asked these questions.
It's hot as balls. I have homework but I want to write a poem. And I've been thinking of that comic that I wanted to write, again.
I imagine this entry is possibly offensive, and I'd apologize, but...do I mean it?
Hopefully this entry was a good exercise in honesty, a faculty I've forgotten how to use properly. I'll come in and do clean up later, if necessary.
Much love. There's so much more to say-- I think I might actually write another entry tomorrow but with me, that's probably as likely as leeches raining from the sky.
Fin.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
The Darkest Drum Major.
Almost two months...that's a record, even for me!
Hello, y'all. As per usual, I'd like to apologize to everyone, especially Gracie and Steven, for not updating. Haha.
Man...I've forgotten so much that I wanted to talk about. And I still never did my Okayama entry.
Since today was such a great day, I just had to update. Why so great, you ask!?
1. OBAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
My man, Barack Obama has "clinched" the Democratic nomination! Did anyone else notice how many newspapers used the word "clinched" to describe his victory? NYTimes, ABC news...geez. Aren't reporters supposed to have big vocabularies? Haha.
Anyway, even though most of my international friends don't get how exciting this primary has been, since Obama's been sort of "inevitable" for the past two-three months, I am pumped. PUMPED. And he gave an amazing speech.
Clinton being open to the VP slot worries me. I just...don't understand how she's going to rectify that with the negativity she threw at him during the primaries, about how he hasn't crossed the threshold and all that. Backpedal?
I sort of have a conspiracy hypothesis that she wants to sabotage his ticket so she can run again in '12. I wish people would stop calling it the Dream Ticket-- IMO, it just highlights both of their weaknesses. Though I can see why it is appealing-- it would have a way of uniting the base, and all that.
I was wondering how this would be written about in history textbooks in years to come. Even if Obama doesn't win, this is still a major milestone. I just recall being in middle school and reading my history textbook about women's suffrage. Now that I think about it, it sort of had a feminist/sympathetic tone to it-- even though women were strong allies in the fight for freeing the slaves in the mid 1800s, black [typically male]intellectual allies largely left female suffragists high and dry after they were freed. Or something to that effect? I just remember the fifty year gap between the two being significant and having to write about it on a test...or something. Oh, sixth grade.
Anyway, I wonder if this primary'll be written in a similar tone in the future-- that women were once again ignored in favor of Blacks, or something. It all seems kind of divide and conquer/silly anyway.
Obama 08. Man...I do not want a Hillary VP. Part of the cabinet, fine. Secretary of State even. But VP? Urgh.
2. No more midterms!
I am praying for As but knowing my penchant for making careless errors...it might be a longshot. Either way, I finished my exams today! Glad it's all over.
Now that I'm just about over the halfway point with about two months to go, I think I can honestly say how dissatisfied I am with this program. It might be a combination of things actually-- me being tired of studying Japanese, wishing I lived closer to town, etc. BUT. Looking at the exam, I just feel as if I do so little work. I started studying for my grammar midterm like...a night or two beforehand. What? In China, I started studying for a whole week beforehand. In general, the Japanese classes here just seem more knitpicky here than anything-- which might have to do with the language itself? I feel that the difference between my study in China and my study in Japan is that in China there was a lot of breadth in what I learned. A lot. Japanese? I'm more learning accuracy-- how to write sentences as simply as possible so that I get as few points taken off as possible. I feel as if experimentation isn't encouraged here-- I don't use new patterns because if I'm wrong I'm penalized so heavily. Blah.
So, my dissatisfaction. Otherwise, though, Japan is actually pretty cool.
What else. Oh, I had sex with a Japanese guy. It was pretty bad. Pretty bad. Like, almost the worst sex I've ever had. 3/10, if only because he was sort of cute.
At least I'm no longer celibate.
I'm also going to China on Sunday. Can we say...excited? I don't think I realized it as much at the time, but my stay in China was really amazing. I can't wait to see all of my old friends again. We're gonna party.
Oh, my computer power cord broke again. Can we say...anti-Dell? I think this is going to be my first and last time buying a Dell computer again. Between hard drive failure and broken power cords...and it's been, what, three years? I just want to last through college...maybe I'll give Apple a chance. I borrowed a laptop from the school, so I'm using that right now. Japanese computers...blah.
I'm sort of listless right now-- excited because of Obama and the end of my exams, but indecisive about what I should do with my energy. I sort of want to study everything at once-- I was talking to Sergei[the guy I'm sort of/kind of involved with over here, I guess] and he said reading the news is a good way to study for the Japanese National Language Exam. And I do learn a lot of vocab that way. But...I also remembered I have all my Pimsleur suites! I kind of want to study French. Or Portuguese. Or Italian. All at once? Haha.
Anyway, just energy in excess. Perhaps I should do my homework in advance before I go to China. I'm gonna be gone for a week, missing class, so...maybe it'll keep me in my senseis' good graces?
That's about it for now. I'll try to update tomorrow if I remember.
Steven, out.
Hello, y'all. As per usual, I'd like to apologize to everyone, especially Gracie and Steven, for not updating. Haha.
Man...I've forgotten so much that I wanted to talk about. And I still never did my Okayama entry.
Since today was such a great day, I just had to update. Why so great, you ask!?
1. OBAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
My man, Barack Obama has "clinched" the Democratic nomination! Did anyone else notice how many newspapers used the word "clinched" to describe his victory? NYTimes, ABC news...geez. Aren't reporters supposed to have big vocabularies? Haha.
Anyway, even though most of my international friends don't get how exciting this primary has been, since Obama's been sort of "inevitable" for the past two-three months, I am pumped. PUMPED. And he gave an amazing speech.
Clinton being open to the VP slot worries me. I just...don't understand how she's going to rectify that with the negativity she threw at him during the primaries, about how he hasn't crossed the threshold and all that. Backpedal?
I sort of have a conspiracy hypothesis that she wants to sabotage his ticket so she can run again in '12. I wish people would stop calling it the Dream Ticket-- IMO, it just highlights both of their weaknesses. Though I can see why it is appealing-- it would have a way of uniting the base, and all that.
I was wondering how this would be written about in history textbooks in years to come. Even if Obama doesn't win, this is still a major milestone. I just recall being in middle school and reading my history textbook about women's suffrage. Now that I think about it, it sort of had a feminist/sympathetic tone to it-- even though women were strong allies in the fight for freeing the slaves in the mid 1800s, black [typically male]intellectual allies largely left female suffragists high and dry after they were freed. Or something to that effect? I just remember the fifty year gap between the two being significant and having to write about it on a test...or something. Oh, sixth grade.
Anyway, I wonder if this primary'll be written in a similar tone in the future-- that women were once again ignored in favor of Blacks, or something. It all seems kind of divide and conquer/silly anyway.
Obama 08. Man...I do not want a Hillary VP. Part of the cabinet, fine. Secretary of State even. But VP? Urgh.
2. No more midterms!
I am praying for As but knowing my penchant for making careless errors...it might be a longshot. Either way, I finished my exams today! Glad it's all over.
Now that I'm just about over the halfway point with about two months to go, I think I can honestly say how dissatisfied I am with this program. It might be a combination of things actually-- me being tired of studying Japanese, wishing I lived closer to town, etc. BUT. Looking at the exam, I just feel as if I do so little work. I started studying for my grammar midterm like...a night or two beforehand. What? In China, I started studying for a whole week beforehand. In general, the Japanese classes here just seem more knitpicky here than anything-- which might have to do with the language itself? I feel that the difference between my study in China and my study in Japan is that in China there was a lot of breadth in what I learned. A lot. Japanese? I'm more learning accuracy-- how to write sentences as simply as possible so that I get as few points taken off as possible. I feel as if experimentation isn't encouraged here-- I don't use new patterns because if I'm wrong I'm penalized so heavily. Blah.
So, my dissatisfaction. Otherwise, though, Japan is actually pretty cool.
What else. Oh, I had sex with a Japanese guy. It was pretty bad. Pretty bad. Like, almost the worst sex I've ever had. 3/10, if only because he was sort of cute.
At least I'm no longer celibate.
I'm also going to China on Sunday. Can we say...excited? I don't think I realized it as much at the time, but my stay in China was really amazing. I can't wait to see all of my old friends again. We're gonna party.
Oh, my computer power cord broke again. Can we say...anti-Dell? I think this is going to be my first and last time buying a Dell computer again. Between hard drive failure and broken power cords...and it's been, what, three years? I just want to last through college...maybe I'll give Apple a chance. I borrowed a laptop from the school, so I'm using that right now. Japanese computers...blah.
I'm sort of listless right now-- excited because of Obama and the end of my exams, but indecisive about what I should do with my energy. I sort of want to study everything at once-- I was talking to Sergei[the guy I'm sort of/kind of involved with over here, I guess] and he said reading the news is a good way to study for the Japanese National Language Exam. And I do learn a lot of vocab that way. But...I also remembered I have all my Pimsleur suites! I kind of want to study French. Or Portuguese. Or Italian. All at once? Haha.
Anyway, just energy in excess. Perhaps I should do my homework in advance before I go to China. I'm gonna be gone for a week, missing class, so...maybe it'll keep me in my senseis' good graces?
That's about it for now. I'll try to update tomorrow if I remember.
Steven, out.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Let freedom ring around my rosie.
Hello, long time!
Okay, don't kill me.
I'm currently in my common room-- just finished up all the homework I had. Oddly enough, I still feel as if I haven't done enough. Normally I don't have a lot of problems speaking Japanese, but for some reason I'm feeling nervous in class and stammering and having trouble pronouncing my words. So I tried to preview the texts a few times, since there's a lot of kanji/characters that I don't know how to read in Japanese.[if only this were China...!]
So, yeah. I realize the last entry with any real content was written after I'd just gotten here. A month later, some things have happened/changed.
1. Dining Halls are open. Yay. Selection sucks major ass. Boo, boo, boo. I'm better off cooking on my magnetic hot plate.
2. The other students are back in the dorm! Yay and Nay. Yay, I'm not alone anymore and have made some friends. Nay, compared to China, there are less kids here and they are less cool.
3. I have been introduced to a game called Jungle Law. It is the shit...and I possibly love it as much as/more than Set. Though it requires other people.[I'll go more into this later.]
4. I've sort of made a bet to bag three Asian boys before the month runs out...hmm. Which means I have to actually go out, I guess.
ETC!
A big entry needs to be reserved for my trip to Okayama, which was a moving and great experience. Reminded me that I really became interested in Japan because of my experience five years ago, when I went to Okayama and met my exchange friends. So meeting them again reminded me that I'm tired of not being fluent. This is a good thing in particular since I've been finding it hard to stay motivated.
But that will be next time.
What's been up, you ask? Besides being a school nerd and stressing not much at all. Classes just started last week[meanwhile, you guys are probably prepping for finals and getting ready for great summers-- HA!]. Oh, I've probably never been over my study plans for Kanazawa. Let's do that now.
Okay, so, I have a thing about arbitrary goals, as I mentioned two entries ago. I wanted to go to level E in the Japanese classes.[Because you forgot, classes go: A-->B-->C1-->C2--D-->E-->F]. I completely bombed my placement test. Failed, crashed, burned, was raped, etc. I wound up in C2-- this is funny, because I took the intermediate placement test, which was for placing from D to F. And I didn't even finish, so I expected to do badly.
Anyway, I'm, of course, used to unexpected failures and bombing placement tests[I bombed my Japanese placement test twice at Tufts, in fact], so. I went to C2 classes, tried my best to look bored and beg my teachers to let me move up. Now, I'm in D class, though things get "finalized" today? Or something. Meaning, I can say I want to go back to C2 if I want.
My problem is pretty much that the grammar isn't bad at all-- I mean, I've done maybe 40-50% of it already. But there are so many WORDS and annoying ways of reading things-- one of the many advantages Chinese has over Japanese. With Japanese you have Kun Readings[Native Japanese readings] and On Readings[Pseudo-Chinese Readings] for a single character, and sometimes you have multiple kun and on readings. The result is that you can't just look at a character and automatically know how it sounds-- you have to pay attention to context, or the whole word. Chinese, on the other hand, has *very* few characters that can be read differently-- I can think of maybe two on the top of my head, tops. Otherwise, a character is pretty much read the same all the time, though there are some things with tones that can make things tricky sometimes.
Anyway, sorry, that was a lot of text. Point is, I was trying to prep for tomorrow and it took at least two hours to do a few newspaper readings. Like, damn. I knew vocabulary would be my problem though-- even if I can figure out what stuff means sometimes, I never know how to pronounce things. Plus, considering how badly I did on the placement test, I think I'll stay in D. I may change kanji classes, however-- Kanji C2 was too easy, but even Kanji D seems pretty easy, considering the self-evaluation test we took in the first class.
So, that's the Japanese stuff. I'm also in a composition class that I skipped this morning-- it was 8:45. I woke up...went back to sleep...woke back up at 9. Oops. It's more like an elective class though, and since we're still choosing classes, I think I should be fine.
For non-Japanese classes, I'm taking Nature of Japan, Experiences in Japanese Culture, and Japanese Literature in Translation. While the NoJ professor is quite nice and all, learning about f*cking snow flakes is not a way I want to spend an hour and a half. But I need science credits to graduate, so I'd stay in the class even if the class was about Holocaust Denial.
Experiences in Japanese Culture has apparently given us a break for a few weeks. It's a 3 hour biweekly class that's apparently just trips and stuff. It counts as an art credit so...you know I'm there.
Japanese Lit in Translation, I had today. An annoying class-- besides the fact that a good number of the students don't speak fluent English, the professor is also arbitrary, unhelpful, and unprepared. And I got to work with this Australian girl, Cathy, who's normally fine, but was an absolute dick today. So rude, because she was the only one talking[I was trying to be sure of my translation and everyone else was just...non-assertive]. Anyway, she almost made some ghettoness come out...but I'm trying to keep it together.
So, this is my schedule. Besides the actual Japanese class, none of it is particularly challenging, at least yet. So. I'm supposed to be satisfying my extracurricular goals: finishing Kite Runner and my other books, studying for the LSATs, the JLPTs, the HSK, etc. 'Cause I know next year is gonna suck.
I could talk about the schedule I picked for next semester at Tufts[my final fall semester as an undergrad!], but maybe next time. Some other things I hope I don't forget:
This guy Sergei, who is seeming like my only tolerable hookup prospect in Japan.[Sorry. I guess I'm being more aggressive about the celibacy-termination]
My classes for next year.
How some kids here tried to hook me up with this gay japanese guy.[WTF. That must be a sign that I'm pathetic.]
My plans for trips and stuff. I decided I'm gonna be a weekend Asian explorer. Watch out, I'm ballin!
The Okayama trip.
If someone else says I LOOK LIKE JERO, I'm gonna cut a b*tch.[This deserves an entry in itself. Oh Lord...]
Etc. But I got class at 8:45 tomorrow, so...next time, champs!
Okay, don't kill me.
I'm currently in my common room-- just finished up all the homework I had. Oddly enough, I still feel as if I haven't done enough. Normally I don't have a lot of problems speaking Japanese, but for some reason I'm feeling nervous in class and stammering and having trouble pronouncing my words. So I tried to preview the texts a few times, since there's a lot of kanji/characters that I don't know how to read in Japanese.[if only this were China...!]
So, yeah. I realize the last entry with any real content was written after I'd just gotten here. A month later, some things have happened/changed.
1. Dining Halls are open. Yay. Selection sucks major ass. Boo, boo, boo. I'm better off cooking on my magnetic hot plate.
2. The other students are back in the dorm! Yay and Nay. Yay, I'm not alone anymore and have made some friends. Nay, compared to China, there are less kids here and they are less cool.
3. I have been introduced to a game called Jungle Law. It is the shit...and I possibly love it as much as/more than Set. Though it requires other people.[I'll go more into this later.]
4. I've sort of made a bet to bag three Asian boys before the month runs out...hmm. Which means I have to actually go out, I guess.
ETC!
A big entry needs to be reserved for my trip to Okayama, which was a moving and great experience. Reminded me that I really became interested in Japan because of my experience five years ago, when I went to Okayama and met my exchange friends. So meeting them again reminded me that I'm tired of not being fluent. This is a good thing in particular since I've been finding it hard to stay motivated.
But that will be next time.
What's been up, you ask? Besides being a school nerd and stressing not much at all. Classes just started last week[meanwhile, you guys are probably prepping for finals and getting ready for great summers-- HA!]. Oh, I've probably never been over my study plans for Kanazawa. Let's do that now.
Okay, so, I have a thing about arbitrary goals, as I mentioned two entries ago. I wanted to go to level E in the Japanese classes.[Because you forgot, classes go: A-->B-->C1-->C2--D-->E-->F]. I completely bombed my placement test. Failed, crashed, burned, was raped, etc. I wound up in C2-- this is funny, because I took the intermediate placement test, which was for placing from D to F. And I didn't even finish, so I expected to do badly.
Anyway, I'm, of course, used to unexpected failures and bombing placement tests[I bombed my Japanese placement test twice at Tufts, in fact], so. I went to C2 classes, tried my best to look bored and beg my teachers to let me move up. Now, I'm in D class, though things get "finalized" today? Or something. Meaning, I can say I want to go back to C2 if I want.
My problem is pretty much that the grammar isn't bad at all-- I mean, I've done maybe 40-50% of it already. But there are so many WORDS and annoying ways of reading things-- one of the many advantages Chinese has over Japanese. With Japanese you have Kun Readings[Native Japanese readings] and On Readings[Pseudo-Chinese Readings] for a single character, and sometimes you have multiple kun and on readings. The result is that you can't just look at a character and automatically know how it sounds-- you have to pay attention to context, or the whole word. Chinese, on the other hand, has *very* few characters that can be read differently-- I can think of maybe two on the top of my head, tops. Otherwise, a character is pretty much read the same all the time, though there are some things with tones that can make things tricky sometimes.
Anyway, sorry, that was a lot of text. Point is, I was trying to prep for tomorrow and it took at least two hours to do a few newspaper readings. Like, damn. I knew vocabulary would be my problem though-- even if I can figure out what stuff means sometimes, I never know how to pronounce things. Plus, considering how badly I did on the placement test, I think I'll stay in D. I may change kanji classes, however-- Kanji C2 was too easy, but even Kanji D seems pretty easy, considering the self-evaluation test we took in the first class.
So, that's the Japanese stuff. I'm also in a composition class that I skipped this morning-- it was 8:45. I woke up...went back to sleep...woke back up at 9. Oops. It's more like an elective class though, and since we're still choosing classes, I think I should be fine.
For non-Japanese classes, I'm taking Nature of Japan, Experiences in Japanese Culture, and Japanese Literature in Translation. While the NoJ professor is quite nice and all, learning about f*cking snow flakes is not a way I want to spend an hour and a half. But I need science credits to graduate, so I'd stay in the class even if the class was about Holocaust Denial.
Experiences in Japanese Culture has apparently given us a break for a few weeks. It's a 3 hour biweekly class that's apparently just trips and stuff. It counts as an art credit so...you know I'm there.
Japanese Lit in Translation, I had today. An annoying class-- besides the fact that a good number of the students don't speak fluent English, the professor is also arbitrary, unhelpful, and unprepared. And I got to work with this Australian girl, Cathy, who's normally fine, but was an absolute dick today. So rude, because she was the only one talking[I was trying to be sure of my translation and everyone else was just...non-assertive]. Anyway, she almost made some ghettoness come out...but I'm trying to keep it together.
So, this is my schedule. Besides the actual Japanese class, none of it is particularly challenging, at least yet. So. I'm supposed to be satisfying my extracurricular goals: finishing Kite Runner and my other books, studying for the LSATs, the JLPTs, the HSK, etc. 'Cause I know next year is gonna suck.
I could talk about the schedule I picked for next semester at Tufts[my final fall semester as an undergrad!], but maybe next time. Some other things I hope I don't forget:
This guy Sergei, who is seeming like my only tolerable hookup prospect in Japan.[Sorry. I guess I'm being more aggressive about the celibacy-termination]
My classes for next year.
How some kids here tried to hook me up with this gay japanese guy.[WTF. That must be a sign that I'm pathetic.]
My plans for trips and stuff. I decided I'm gonna be a weekend Asian explorer. Watch out, I'm ballin!
The Okayama trip.
If someone else says I LOOK LIKE JERO, I'm gonna cut a b*tch.[This deserves an entry in itself. Oh Lord...]
Etc. But I got class at 8:45 tomorrow, so...next time, champs!
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
It has been a quark minute.
Sorry, I know it's been a while and this isn't a real update.
I just wrote a poem in the last five minutes-- or at least something like a poem, or the start of one. I wanted to post it here.
I'm not especially proud of it-- I don't feel as if there's anything meta-level about it at all. It's all pretty rudimentary and straight forward.
I'm reading Kite Runner still, which is an amazing book. Perhaps a little too obsessed with anal rape? And the language isn't necessarily great-- I don't especially love the sentence structure or the word choice, but it makes me really emotional.
Kite Runner was pretty much the trigger for my writing-- there's bullying in the novel, which reminds me of my own fears, and...well, I don't like explaining my poems. Another reason was my friend Korey letting it slip that he doesn't like Asians all hanging together...just slight things that I try to ignore but that I need to do a better job addressing.
Anyway, I'll give more of a recap-like entry later-- maybe tomorrow or friday.
Cement traitors
What greater farce is there than to pretend to
be wealthy,
to clothe oneself in the fabrics of the first world
while having a soul of the third,
to pretend that we've somehow become beyond it all,
that my free ride in school somehow negates my poverty,
at least for four years?
that color blindness actually worked,
that
yknow
my skin doesn't seem so brown behind a brooks brothers polo
afterall.
No greater sense of treason than
to damn hip hop,
to engage in apologetics,
to make excuses for "the bad ones"
-- we're not all like that,
you're right:
our culture is maladaptive,
it's self-destructive,
it's anti-intellectual,
it propagates the "we are victim" meme
and that'll never get us anywhere.
What greater farce...
on my own morality.
Your
culture's privilege to
assimilate me
has been revoked.
I just wrote a poem in the last five minutes-- or at least something like a poem, or the start of one. I wanted to post it here.
I'm not especially proud of it-- I don't feel as if there's anything meta-level about it at all. It's all pretty rudimentary and straight forward.
I'm reading Kite Runner still, which is an amazing book. Perhaps a little too obsessed with anal rape? And the language isn't necessarily great-- I don't especially love the sentence structure or the word choice, but it makes me really emotional.
Kite Runner was pretty much the trigger for my writing-- there's bullying in the novel, which reminds me of my own fears, and...well, I don't like explaining my poems. Another reason was my friend Korey letting it slip that he doesn't like Asians all hanging together...just slight things that I try to ignore but that I need to do a better job addressing.
Anyway, I'll give more of a recap-like entry later-- maybe tomorrow or friday.
Cement traitors
What greater farce is there than to pretend to
be wealthy,
to clothe oneself in the fabrics of the first world
while having a soul of the third,
to pretend that we've somehow become beyond it all,
that my free ride in school somehow negates my poverty,
at least for four years?
that color blindness actually worked,
that
yknow
my skin doesn't seem so brown behind a brooks brothers polo
afterall.
No greater sense of treason than
to damn hip hop,
to engage in apologetics,
to make excuses for "the bad ones"
-- we're not all like that,
you're right:
our culture is maladaptive,
it's self-destructive,
it's anti-intellectual,
it propagates the "we are victim" meme
and that'll never get us anywhere.
What greater farce...
on my own morality.
Your
culture's privilege to
assimilate me
has been revoked.
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