Boy in my pocket, wine on my lips

So, I'm gonna let people into another messy thing I do.

If there's someone who claims to be interested in me in ANY fashion, or who displays signs of such, I try to push them onto someone else.

I'm not entirely sure WHY I do it. Part of it is disinterest, or at least wanting to be disinterested, which is almost the same anyway. Another part goes back to some naive notions I have about feelings-- that if I like someone, being presented with another person won't make me change my direction, no matter how many times I've been spurned. Feelings just don't die that easily-- if they do, then they're probably illusory. I sometimes feel things should be the same for other people.

[EDIT: Actually, on reading that...I'm not so sure I agree with that anymore.]

Either way, it's hella passive aggressive and I need to stop doing that. I did it last night with two guys who were getting a little too...close-- helped them hook up, that is. And I guess it's a good thing-- no more hooking up with randoms. There's just...no point. Only making my dissatisfaction that much more tiresome.

I figure with all the travel deals and political entries, I should make a messy entry about myself.

So, I'm walking back home, looking at my shoes, wondering why I'm such a passive- aggressive idiot, talking to myself about how great it is that I hooked up two people and have no one to come home to. And so I go on with my soliloquy to my audience of one, but then I concluded that at least my new "single&fabulous" lifestyle has actually withstood the test. Studying, food, clothes, money, family/friends-- that's all I'm about right now.

Chang chang, getting paid over here.
I'm still drunk, which is why I believe this entry is so...candid.

The BEST thing about today is that I'm possibly going to get a free trip to the dining hall with some of my good friends from less-cool dorms, and that afterwards I'm gonna be brunching/studying with my new gay BFF.

He's fabulous, I'm fabulous, and his current BFF is neglectful. So I'm moving in.

I am so excited!
[Or at least I can pretend. I actually...want to punch walls and scream about what my life's become.]

GRAH.