I wrote this entry as a note on facebook on June 30, 2011. I thought I would post the contents here.
---
So...I thought I should do this while the events are fresh on my mind and I'm still drunk. Excuse any and all errors.
I've been struck by how many gay black men are bitter, or saddled with tons of baggage. This is particularly true in Boston.
Coming out is a happy time, or should be. When I did it, eight or so years ago, I had some things on my mind. I knew I had a homophobic aunt and some others and in my mind that meant my entire family was virulently homophobic. One of my best friends had come out as a lesbian and been disowned. A whole lot of nonsense. So, I prepared myself. I ran away from my urban Black school to some predominantly Jewish HS in the suburbs and made contingency plans for getting disowned. Never happened. I ran away again to college in an attempt to escape people who actually mattered to me.
That being said, now that I'm a little older, I've met some interesting people. One thing I've been struck by is how bitter so many gay black men are. Being part of the demographic, I didn't necessarily get it at first. I won't even address the DLs; this discussion is limited to out, gay black men. There was always something to complain about. The lack of options, the racism, the snow queens-- ie. other gay black men who refused to date other gay black men, or in more extreme cases even associate with them. I think Boston is particularly hit by this type of stuff, so that probably colors my experience.
To a certain extent, I believe that if you want to find something, you'll find it. If you're set on life being a piece of shit, then...guess what? It will be a piece of shit. A lot of people do this-- they're used to whining and moaning and being upset about nonsense and consistently search for nonsense. Which isn't to say negativity and nonsense don't exist-- they do. But if you look for it, you're probably going to only find more. This view informed part of my worldview about gay black men that were bitter-- they were bitter because they encountered nonsense, looked for more nonsense and only found more. The rabbit hole dug deeper. Which isn't to say the nonsense isn't real. I'm sure it is. But I just assume everything is a numbers game-- there are enough numbers of anything to distort your experiences and color your life. I don't know.
And then, tonight. So, today was already interesting. I'm pretending to be a lawyer-- typical summer for a rising 3rd year law student. Interesting summer so far. One of Black senior associates asked me what I felt about how whitewashed American history was in front of some of the hiring partners. Conversation literally went on for about 30~ minutes or so; one of the most awkward experiences of my life. Meant to blog about it. Today, a female partner went on today about a nonprofit she's involved with that arranges a homestay-ish program for urban youth-- Black/Hispanic youth, I understood. So, she essentially described the kid she took in for six summers-- poor, afraid of dogs, couldn't swim, single mom, HUD/Section 8 housing. The entire time she and another partner are clutching their pearls, gasping over how unfortunate the kid is and how proud she is that the kid was able to graduate from HS. The entire time, I'm thinking, you just described my entire fucking life. I am that damn kid. And then I wonder if they know that my life story is the same ~tragic ghetto kid's~ or if it's not visible from my resume or if it even matters.
That aside...back to today and gayness.
So, after the event with the partner, I go to a bar in Boston-- I'm ordering a drink. I notice four gay dudes. Two blacks, two whites, arguing. One of the Black gays is a friend, holding back the other. I'm not entirely sure what's going on. Next thing I know, one of the white dudes insults the Black dude and says something like, "your friend's a fucking chimpanzee" to my friend. And I'm just sort of struck, I guess. Next thing you know, my friend stops holding back the other black guy and there's almost fisticuffs.
It's funny, because people complain about Boston being racist, and I usually reply with handwaving. Any place's "racist" if you look for it-- people who say insensitive things or don't but think insensitive things are everywhere. So, if you meet the wrong person, you'll think Boston's racist-- it's all a numbers game. This was one of the first experiences I had in Boston that was this overt.
Anyway, the rest of the night was interesting. I've already decided that both off the white guys will never exist in my mind, no matter how many times I see them. But then I start thinking: this is how Black gay men become bitter.
The white guys were cute-- I'd seen one of them before; he was funny. He reminded me of some of my other friends. But I think the experience, and particularly his backpedaling and almost-apologies afterwards, sort of helped me remember one of the reasons I found making friends with gay white men difficult: because I often had suspicions about what they really thought. Whether it be the, "I'm not racist, but I don't date Black guys" comments, or the random foot-in-mouth insensitive statements that I found being made...very often, I find that I sometimes can#039;t trust white gay guys. Or, rather, that I sometimes don't know what they're thinking. I'm always wondering if they secretly have thoughts that I'm inferior or worthless or something. Actually, this experience echoes my relationship with a lot of white people that aren't my friends that I've encountered in general-- I've become more aware of it because of college and law school. When my White compatriots at Tufts wrote a carol about how Tufts would accept Black D students because they were Black, and when I encountered White law students online opining about Affirmative Action and Black students being at the bottom of the grade curve. It's like you're living a life of double talk: people that smile in your face, but who knows what they think.
This is obviously not true of my relationships with all of my White friends and I'm thankful for the meaningful ones I've made. Despite what i'm talking about, i'll still be working in predominantly white firm (hopefully), go to predominantly white bars, and have predominantly white friends/associates. But I'd be lying if I were to say that I were not at least somewhat suspicious at times. And multiply these incidents over years I'd time, and it only gets worse. Actually, what I guess I just described is paranoia. I am paranoid.
And then I think about gay black men. Is it really that much better? Between the deceit, the nonsense, the segmentedness, the being cheated on[haha, something I now understand very well], the mental disconnect-- why even bother?
And I can't say my experience with gay Asians has been that much better.
So, anyway, what are you left with? The beautiful alone.
And so, I was going through a lot of this tonight in my mind and I thought-- this is how Gay Black Men become bitter. When you realize that none of your major target demographics actually value you and the BS you have to deal with day in, day out. On top of everything else that being a black man in this country means.
And all I can think of is exactly why I wanted to move to China. Race relations in America are toxic. But more appropriate is that quote from Dominique Francon from The Fountainhead that I've always loved:
"You know, it's such a peculiar thing--our idea of mankind in general. We all
have a sort of vague, glowing picture when we say that, something solemn, big
and important. But actually all we know of it is the people we meet in our
lifetime. Look at them. Do you know any you'd feel big and solemn about? There's
nothing but housewives haggling at pushcarts, drooling brats who write dirty
words on the sidewalks, and drunken debutantes. Or their spiritual equivalent.
As a matter of fact, one can feel some respect for people when they suffer. They
have a certain dignity. But have you ever looked at them when they're enjoying
themselves? That's when you see the truth. Look at those who spend the money
they've slaved for--at amusement parks and side shows. Look at those who're rich
and have the whole world open to them. Observe what they pick out for enjoyment.
Watch them in the smarter speak-easies. That's your mankind in general. I don't
want to touch it."
I don't want to touch it.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Find Your Love.
A friend reminded me that I used to be a blogger and I should get back into it. Thanks, Colton!
I want to apologize. With work for the summer, twitter, and my petty relationship/school drama, things get so hectic.
So, I thought about what to blog about and what to even title this thing. There's Casey Anthony. There's general thoughts on business models that I want to try out.[It's interesting. At this point, I feel as if I'm either going to follow the traditional law firm model or I'm going to try to do something crazy, like become a writer or start a business. Sink or swim.]
And then I thought about this. The meds won for this entry.
Now, I may not have explained this before, but I used to do HIV prevention at a Boston non-profit organization for men of color-- primarily, Black & Latino men who have sex with men. It was interesting time. Being a gay Black man myself, I stay on top of updates in the HIV prevention field.
So, recently, there's been news about antiretroviral medication used to treat HIV can be taken by uninfected people who are exposed to HIV during sex to reduce infection risk by as high as 73% for hetereosexuals and up to 90% for men who have sex with men. This is a huge finding.
Now, to get a little personal: I just got an HIV test yesterday. I generally like to get tested once a quarter, just to stay on top of things, but the general recommendation is once a year. Get tested! It's important.
And, anyway, if these studies are accurate, I can only imagine how this is going to change the prevention field.
So, read the link, etc.
Hope everyone is doing well. Might do a more personal post in the near future, but I'm clearly an inconsistent writer. Would you hold it against me? ;).
I want to apologize. With work for the summer, twitter, and my petty relationship/school drama, things get so hectic.
So, I thought about what to blog about and what to even title this thing. There's Casey Anthony. There's general thoughts on business models that I want to try out.[It's interesting. At this point, I feel as if I'm either going to follow the traditional law firm model or I'm going to try to do something crazy, like become a writer or start a business. Sink or swim.]
And then I thought about this. The meds won for this entry.
Now, I may not have explained this before, but I used to do HIV prevention at a Boston non-profit organization for men of color-- primarily, Black & Latino men who have sex with men. It was interesting time. Being a gay Black man myself, I stay on top of updates in the HIV prevention field.
So, recently, there's been news about antiretroviral medication used to treat HIV can be taken by uninfected people who are exposed to HIV during sex to reduce infection risk by as high as 73% for hetereosexuals and up to 90% for men who have sex with men. This is a huge finding.
Now, to get a little personal: I just got an HIV test yesterday. I generally like to get tested once a quarter, just to stay on top of things, but the general recommendation is once a year. Get tested! It's important.
And, anyway, if these studies are accurate, I can only imagine how this is going to change the prevention field.
So, read the link, etc.
Hope everyone is doing well. Might do a more personal post in the near future, but I'm clearly an inconsistent writer. Would you hold it against me? ;).
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Osama is dead.
Just thought it was deserving of a blog entry.
Ten years later, the US forces finally got him.
Ten years later, the US forces finally got him.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
System's end
So, it's been a month, but I wanted to update with this tidbit that I was reading about on Above the Law, a law gossip site.
The story is here: link.
The number of first-time test-takers for the December LSAT went down 16%, which is very exciting! I recommend all of my friends to not apply to law school, so anything pointing to a decrease in law school admission is a good thing.
To be honest, though, I do think my entering law school wasn't a bad choice, though probably not the best one. I was a listless college senior with no real marketable skills, hated the nonprofit work I was doing, and wanted to make a lot of money. I was seduced by law schools with their median incomes and their fee waivers. Regardless, I didn't think very hard about the decision to go to law school which definitely was not a good idea.
The smartest thing to do would have been to apply to a master's program like I'd originally planned or go back to China for a while. But I was seized with this bizarre sense of urgency, that I needed to get it down immediately, that if I'd sat down I wouldn't get back up to go to school.
And now I'm halfway done with law school.
Anyway, I lucked out somehow with how things have been going, but any sign that people aren't going so eagerly into the law school game is a good thing, IMO. The market is still correcting itself and it's really tough. I remember being so idealistic about international law and getting published...somehow I lost that when I encountered the 1L grade curve. Haha.
Trying to get it back now.
Anyway, things have been good thus far. Maybe I'll go to the gym today.
Later, guys.
The story is here: link.
The number of first-time test-takers for the December LSAT went down 16%, which is very exciting! I recommend all of my friends to not apply to law school, so anything pointing to a decrease in law school admission is a good thing.
To be honest, though, I do think my entering law school wasn't a bad choice, though probably not the best one. I was a listless college senior with no real marketable skills, hated the nonprofit work I was doing, and wanted to make a lot of money. I was seduced by law schools with their median incomes and their fee waivers. Regardless, I didn't think very hard about the decision to go to law school which definitely was not a good idea.
The smartest thing to do would have been to apply to a master's program like I'd originally planned or go back to China for a while. But I was seized with this bizarre sense of urgency, that I needed to get it down immediately, that if I'd sat down I wouldn't get back up to go to school.
And now I'm halfway done with law school.
Anyway, I lucked out somehow with how things have been going, but any sign that people aren't going so eagerly into the law school game is a good thing, IMO. The market is still correcting itself and it's really tough. I remember being so idealistic about international law and getting published...somehow I lost that when I encountered the 1L grade curve. Haha.
Trying to get it back now.
Anyway, things have been good thus far. Maybe I'll go to the gym today.
Later, guys.
Monday, December 27, 2010
I don't want to touch it.
So, I decided to read the Fountainhead. Not as quoteworthy as Atlas Shrugged so far, but there's one quote I wanted to get down before I continued, from Domonique Francon:
"You know, it's such a peculiar thing--our idea of mankind in general. We all
have a sort of vague, glowing picture when we say that, something solemn, big
and important. But actually all we know of it is the people we meet in our
lifetime. Look at them. Do you know any you'd feel big and solemn about? There's
nothing but housewives haggling at pushcarts, drooling brats who write dirty
words on the sidewalks, and drunken debutantes. Or their spiritual equivalent.
As a matter of fact, one can feel some respect for people when they suffer. They
have a certain dignity. But have you ever looked at them when they're enjoying
themselves? That's when you see the truth. Look at those who spend the money
they've slaved for--at amusement parks and side shows. Look at those who're rich
and have the whole world open to them. Observe what they pick out for enjoyment.
Watch them in the smarter speak-easies. That's your mankind in general. I don't
want to touch it."
Feels a little privileged, but the last sentences stuck out to me.
The Fountainhead is good, but I'm thinking that I've outgrown Rand. She's so heavy-handed and preachy that everything feels predictable, even if I do like her preaching. I wonder if I'd like Atlas Shrugged as much if I reread it.
Anyway, I'm only about 20% in, so I've got quite a ways to go. Expect a fuller entry later.
Hope everyone's having a good holiday!
"You know, it's such a peculiar thing--our idea of mankind in general. We all
have a sort of vague, glowing picture when we say that, something solemn, big
and important. But actually all we know of it is the people we meet in our
lifetime. Look at them. Do you know any you'd feel big and solemn about? There's
nothing but housewives haggling at pushcarts, drooling brats who write dirty
words on the sidewalks, and drunken debutantes. Or their spiritual equivalent.
As a matter of fact, one can feel some respect for people when they suffer. They
have a certain dignity. But have you ever looked at them when they're enjoying
themselves? That's when you see the truth. Look at those who spend the money
they've slaved for--at amusement parks and side shows. Look at those who're rich
and have the whole world open to them. Observe what they pick out for enjoyment.
Watch them in the smarter speak-easies. That's your mankind in general. I don't
want to touch it."
Feels a little privileged, but the last sentences stuck out to me.
The Fountainhead is good, but I'm thinking that I've outgrown Rand. She's so heavy-handed and preachy that everything feels predictable, even if I do like her preaching. I wonder if I'd like Atlas Shrugged as much if I reread it.
Anyway, I'm only about 20% in, so I've got quite a ways to go. Expect a fuller entry later.
Hope everyone's having a good holiday!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Addendum...
I meant to say that part of the reason I like this song might have to do with my discovery that I am not entirely over my ex.
But that's a post for another time-- I should probably wait until I reestablish a reader base before I start whining about my screwy love life again, yes/yes?
Glad you agree.
Someone needs to do my Bankruptcy exam. Really.
But that's a post for another time-- I should probably wait until I reestablish a reader base before I start whining about my screwy love life again, yes/yes?
Glad you agree.
Someone needs to do my Bankruptcy exam. Really.
I don't believe in studying
So, another idea I had while I was not thinking about Section 362 of the Bankruptcy Code was that I should make blog entries about party ideas.
As a lifelong student of Top 40 music, gay party culture, whiskey and generally messiness, I think this might actually be a good idea.
This post was inspired by my love for Ke$ha's song, "The Harold Song." I normally don't pay Ke$ha much attention, though I do like much of her music-- one of the posters on ONTD described her as a troll in the music industry. Pretty accurate, actually: besides being white, she isn't rail thin or super toned, isn't incredibly attractive. She's just a messy white girl who sing-raps about melodrama and hard liquor: my type of girl.[Though, I do think some of her lyrics on the current album have been transphobic...I might have to do another post about that]
Anyway, I want to have a Ke$ha party. Her song, "The Harold Song" from Cannibal is downright addictive. Now, when I'm "studying", I like to have songs on repeat-- Taylor Swift is generally the unfortunate victim. Lady Gaga, Chiddy Bang, Rihanna, and Shakira have been other victims, so it's actually an honor.
The Harold Song is very different from Tik Tok/We R Who We R. It's more Katy Perry, I guess-- pseudo-introspective, full of youthful melancholy, etc. Maybe it's even like what I used to like about Gaga-- post-modern, tongue-in-cheek.[Except, I don't think Ke$ha pulls it off as well.] I'll post the lyrics at the end of the post.
Anyway, point is: I love this song. And I want to have a Ke$ha party but I'm not sure what that would entail. Animal prints? Glow in the dark face paint? Eagle feathers? None of that sounds very fun. I just want to put my hands up, do shots of tequila and pose for pictures with beautiful people. Can't wait until school is over.
Yes, that will be my Ke$ha party. I also have to think about locale. I don't think the fabulous people of Michigan will appreciate it, unfortunately. And I don't know how my mother feels about having a Ke$ha party at her house over break.
Maybe I'll coop someone's house. Sounds like a plan, Jan!
Okay, lyrics and back to pretending to study. GO!
--
I miss your soft lips. I miss your white sheets.
I miss the scratch of your un-shaved face on my cheek.
And this is so hard cause I didn't see
that you were the love of my life and it kills me.
I see your face in strangers on the street.
I still say your name when I'm talking in my sleep.
And in the limelight, I play it off fine.
But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light.
[Ah]
But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light.
[Ah]
Chorus:
They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me.
Young love murder, that is what this must be.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.
The life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed.
Young love murder, that is what this must be.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.
Verse:
Remember the time we jumped the fence when
the Stones were playing and we were too broke to get in.
You held my hand and then made me cry while
I swore to God it was the best night of my life.
Or when you took me across the world, we
promised that this will last forever but now I see.
It was my past life, a beautiful time
Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sun rise.
[Ah]
Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sun rise.
Chorus:
They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me.
Young love murder, that is what this must be.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.
The life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed.
Young love murder, that is what this must be.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.
Bridge:
It was a past (he was a past life) life, a beautiful time.
Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sun rise. [Till the sun rise.]
Chorus:
They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me.
Young love murder, that is what this must be.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.
The life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed.
Young love murder, that is what this must be.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.
As a lifelong student of Top 40 music, gay party culture, whiskey and generally messiness, I think this might actually be a good idea.
This post was inspired by my love for Ke$ha's song, "The Harold Song." I normally don't pay Ke$ha much attention, though I do like much of her music-- one of the posters on ONTD described her as a troll in the music industry. Pretty accurate, actually: besides being white, she isn't rail thin or super toned, isn't incredibly attractive. She's just a messy white girl who sing-raps about melodrama and hard liquor: my type of girl.[Though, I do think some of her lyrics on the current album have been transphobic...I might have to do another post about that]
Anyway, I want to have a Ke$ha party. Her song, "The Harold Song" from Cannibal is downright addictive. Now, when I'm "studying", I like to have songs on repeat-- Taylor Swift is generally the unfortunate victim. Lady Gaga, Chiddy Bang, Rihanna, and Shakira have been other victims, so it's actually an honor.
The Harold Song is very different from Tik Tok/We R Who We R. It's more Katy Perry, I guess-- pseudo-introspective, full of youthful melancholy, etc. Maybe it's even like what I used to like about Gaga-- post-modern, tongue-in-cheek.[Except, I don't think Ke$ha pulls it off as well.] I'll post the lyrics at the end of the post.
Anyway, point is: I love this song. And I want to have a Ke$ha party but I'm not sure what that would entail. Animal prints? Glow in the dark face paint? Eagle feathers? None of that sounds very fun. I just want to put my hands up, do shots of tequila and pose for pictures with beautiful people. Can't wait until school is over.
Yes, that will be my Ke$ha party. I also have to think about locale. I don't think the fabulous people of Michigan will appreciate it, unfortunately. And I don't know how my mother feels about having a Ke$ha party at her house over break.
Maybe I'll coop someone's house. Sounds like a plan, Jan!
Okay, lyrics and back to pretending to study. GO!
--
I miss your soft lips. I miss your white sheets.
I miss the scratch of your un-shaved face on my cheek.
And this is so hard cause I didn't see
that you were the love of my life and it kills me.
I see your face in strangers on the street.
I still say your name when I'm talking in my sleep.
And in the limelight, I play it off fine.
But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light.
[Ah]
But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light.
[Ah]
Chorus:
They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me.
Young love murder, that is what this must be.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.
The life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed.
Young love murder, that is what this must be.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.
Verse:
Remember the time we jumped the fence when
the Stones were playing and we were too broke to get in.
You held my hand and then made me cry while
I swore to God it was the best night of my life.
Or when you took me across the world, we
promised that this will last forever but now I see.
It was my past life, a beautiful time
Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sun rise.
[Ah]
Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sun rise.
Chorus:
They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me.
Young love murder, that is what this must be.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.
The life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed.
Young love murder, that is what this must be.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.
Bridge:
It was a past (he was a past life) life, a beautiful time.
Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sun rise. [Till the sun rise.]
Chorus:
They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me.
Young love murder, that is what this must be.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.
The life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed.
Young love murder, that is what this must be.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.
I should be studying...
But, short break.
Hey guys. Just thought I'd showcase another reason why I'm a misanthrope.
The comments are from Queerty's entry on Cassidy here
Couple of things.
1. How delusional is commenter #6, Hank? Hip Hop no longer relevant-- have you looked at an album sales chart? A singles chart? Even as I type, 2 of the top ten albums are Hip Hop albums.[3 if we count Black Eyed Peas]
Also, conflation of hip hop and increased risk of death...classy.
2. Commenter #8, 2 Cents, equally or more delusional than Hank. Baseless conclusions about hip hop audiences[I should really make a critical post on Radiohead/Led Zeppelin/Pink Floyd, honestly; some of the dumbest drones I know rattle them off whenever talking about their favorites].
Clearly, this person has also been listening to too much conservative talk radio and not enough hip hop. Gang bangs? Victim mentality? Popular hip hop, not so much.
And LOL @ coming at the legitimacy of sampling as an art form. And what should they be doing, getting inspiration from older guitar riffs?
Sit the fuck down.
Now, as a troll who's been wreaking havoc on the internet since dialup, I understand the "Idungiveafuk" mentality people get when their fingers hit the keys, but I guess as I get older, I get more critical of these sorts of views.
Honestly, I think what bothers me more is that the posters are probably white, probably gay, probably "liberal" and incredibly annoying. Posters like Tweedledee and Tweedledum are rife throughout the internet spouting their nonsensical opinions based on poorly formed arguments. Yawn yawn. Exactly why gossip blogs and I have such a love-hate-but-mainly-hate relationship.
Honestly, maybe I should do this more often.
Anyway, I should get to Bankruptcy law at some point...ugh.
I dreamt about making this blog updated-on-the-daily. Haha. Maybe I will when school's done. Maybe.
Hope everything's going well! If anyone still reads this thing?
Deuces.
Hey guys. Just thought I'd showcase another reason why I'm a misanthrope.
The comments are from Queerty's entry on Cassidy here
Couple of things.
1. How delusional is commenter #6, Hank? Hip Hop no longer relevant-- have you looked at an album sales chart? A singles chart? Even as I type, 2 of the top ten albums are Hip Hop albums.[3 if we count Black Eyed Peas]
Also, conflation of hip hop and increased risk of death...classy.
2. Commenter #8, 2 Cents, equally or more delusional than Hank. Baseless conclusions about hip hop audiences[I should really make a critical post on Radiohead/Led Zeppelin/Pink Floyd, honestly; some of the dumbest drones I know rattle them off whenever talking about their favorites].
Clearly, this person has also been listening to too much conservative talk radio and not enough hip hop. Gang bangs? Victim mentality? Popular hip hop, not so much.
And LOL @ coming at the legitimacy of sampling as an art form. And what should they be doing, getting inspiration from older guitar riffs?
Sit the fuck down.
Now, as a troll who's been wreaking havoc on the internet since dialup, I understand the "Idungiveafuk" mentality people get when their fingers hit the keys, but I guess as I get older, I get more critical of these sorts of views.
Honestly, I think what bothers me more is that the posters are probably white, probably gay, probably "liberal" and incredibly annoying. Posters like Tweedledee and Tweedledum are rife throughout the internet spouting their nonsensical opinions based on poorly formed arguments. Yawn yawn. Exactly why gossip blogs and I have such a love-hate-but-mainly-hate relationship.
Honestly, maybe I should do this more often.
Anyway, I should get to Bankruptcy law at some point...ugh.
I dreamt about making this blog updated-on-the-daily. Haha. Maybe I will when school's done. Maybe.
Hope everything's going well! If anyone still reads this thing?
Deuces.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Tweet, Tweet.
I was going to blog about Halloween, but I forgot my iphone cord-- so I can't upload photos. Disappoint.
I was on twitter a little while ago and a friend of mine posted this article:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39993685/ns/health-womens_health/?ocid=twitter
I thought it was well-intended, but was sort of annoyed by it for the most part. So I thought I'd go through it on here.
First of all, the title is "Blacks struggle with 72 percent unwed mothers rate." I suppose we're entering this conversation with the opinion that high rates of unwed motherhood are bad. As a matter of fact, I have no idea what that tagline even means-- I had no idea we were struggling with this unwed motherhood rate. What does that even mean?
Anyway.
There's a OB-GYN that's quoted in the article, Dr. Natalie Caroll. She delivers this quote:
"The girls don't think they have to get married. I tell them children deserve a mama and a daddy. They really do," Carroll says from behind the desk of her office, which has cushioned pink-and-green armchairs, bars on the windows, and a wooden "LOVE" carving between two African figurines. Diamonds circle Carroll's ring finger.
I think what struck me about this was the obviously gendered way of talking about the conversation. Children deserve mothers and fathers? What does that even mean?
Not that I'm opposed to the dual-parent agenda, but I'm not sure why we're entering the conversation this way besides weird biases. Kids deserve quality parenting. I don't know whether that means a mother and a father.
"A mama can't give it all. And neither can a daddy, not by themselves," Carroll says. "Part of the reason is because you can only give that which you have. A mother cannot give all that a man can give. A truly involved father figure offers more fullness to a child's life."
This just seems like she's blowing smoke out of her ass.
One parent simply doesn't have the time/resources to give to a child that that parent + another would be able to give-- I might be able to buy that. I don't know why a mother can't give all that a man can-- Don't know what this means. What can a man give to a child that a woman can't?
I might not disagree re: involved father figures, but one can have father figures without a father present.
"The reaction was swift and ferocious. She had many supporters, but hundreds of others attacked NWNW online as shallow, anti-feminist, lacking solutions, or a conservative tool. "
Really. I wonder why.
--
So that was a pretty quick, angled reading of the article. I thought the article was written poorly and will stay away from articles by Jesse Washington in the future.[Then again, I don't recall much of what's written on MSNBC being well-written...so.]
RE: the comments about the author Mrs. Karazin's writing being a conservative tool...I don't know.
It's clear she has an agenda-- that she is pro-mother-and-father families. Which is completely fine. What isn't fine, though, is that her rationalization for it is based on complete tripe.
What I like about conservatives is that, generally, I don't get the feeling that they're hiding the ball all of the time. Instead of this undercover, poorly reasoned stuff.
--
Anyway, first long entry in a while. Excuse me for not spelling a lot of things out or being clearer.
At the library, gonna try to get some work done. Long day, long night.
Deuces.
I was on twitter a little while ago and a friend of mine posted this article:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39993685/ns/health-womens_health/?ocid=twitter
I thought it was well-intended, but was sort of annoyed by it for the most part. So I thought I'd go through it on here.
First of all, the title is "Blacks struggle with 72 percent unwed mothers rate." I suppose we're entering this conversation with the opinion that high rates of unwed motherhood are bad. As a matter of fact, I have no idea what that tagline even means-- I had no idea we were struggling with this unwed motherhood rate. What does that even mean?
Anyway.
There's a OB-GYN that's quoted in the article, Dr. Natalie Caroll. She delivers this quote:
"The girls don't think they have to get married. I tell them children deserve a mama and a daddy. They really do," Carroll says from behind the desk of her office, which has cushioned pink-and-green armchairs, bars on the windows, and a wooden "LOVE" carving between two African figurines. Diamonds circle Carroll's ring finger.
I think what struck me about this was the obviously gendered way of talking about the conversation. Children deserve mothers and fathers? What does that even mean?
Not that I'm opposed to the dual-parent agenda, but I'm not sure why we're entering the conversation this way besides weird biases. Kids deserve quality parenting. I don't know whether that means a mother and a father.
"A mama can't give it all. And neither can a daddy, not by themselves," Carroll says. "Part of the reason is because you can only give that which you have. A mother cannot give all that a man can give. A truly involved father figure offers more fullness to a child's life."
This just seems like she's blowing smoke out of her ass.
One parent simply doesn't have the time/resources to give to a child that that parent + another would be able to give-- I might be able to buy that. I don't know why a mother can't give all that a man can-- Don't know what this means. What can a man give to a child that a woman can't?
I might not disagree re: involved father figures, but one can have father figures without a father present.
"The reaction was swift and ferocious. She had many supporters, but hundreds of others attacked NWNW online as shallow, anti-feminist, lacking solutions, or a conservative tool. "
Really. I wonder why.
--
So that was a pretty quick, angled reading of the article. I thought the article was written poorly and will stay away from articles by Jesse Washington in the future.[Then again, I don't recall much of what's written on MSNBC being well-written...so.]
RE: the comments about the author Mrs. Karazin's writing being a conservative tool...I don't know.
It's clear she has an agenda-- that she is pro-mother-and-father families. Which is completely fine. What isn't fine, though, is that her rationalization for it is based on complete tripe.
What I like about conservatives is that, generally, I don't get the feeling that they're hiding the ball all of the time. Instead of this undercover, poorly reasoned stuff.
--
Anyway, first long entry in a while. Excuse me for not spelling a lot of things out or being clearer.
At the library, gonna try to get some work done. Long day, long night.
Deuces.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Remembrance of Time Past
So, as it generally does happen, I am back.
It's been a pretty emotional couple of weeks. I don't know why Octobers are usually so crazy. But they are.
Anyway, I am quite possibly the most disrespectful writer that there is. But I'm coming to terms with that.
I'll be writing a longer entry tomorrow. Probably gonna work out a bit, have some wine, before I go to do some karaoke for a friend's birthday.
I think I missed this, the catharsis.
Much love.
It's been a pretty emotional couple of weeks. I don't know why Octobers are usually so crazy. But they are.
Anyway, I am quite possibly the most disrespectful writer that there is. But I'm coming to terms with that.
I'll be writing a longer entry tomorrow. Probably gonna work out a bit, have some wine, before I go to do some karaoke for a friend's birthday.
I think I missed this, the catharsis.
Much love.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Crucifixes, gnawing on my neck
I've been restless for what feels like ages, but it's only been approximately two weeks.
Finals are over. Finished my craptastic write-on: for those who had the common sense not to go to law school, the "write-on" refers to the amazing writing application process in which 1Ls try to write onto one of the law journals at school.
Lawyers and upperclass students tell us journal status is necessary, and I suppose that should be gospel for us 1Ls who just want to make it into biglaw[read: one of the fabulous law firms where you make tons of money and have little time to spend it]. Maybe I'll write about my feelings about the law in a bit. Deserves several posts.
I finished that process on Monday, barely making it to a midnight post-office, and have been brain dead ever since. Reading stuff at Top Law Schools and beating myself up over not having good grades, and really just wanting to lie around. And watch Chinese TV.
--
I was somewhere, though, somewhere online. And I remembered a conversation I was having with a friend, Adaora, about Avatar, the movie. Of all things, eh? I'm not a fan of the movie, and think it's pretty much a rip of Ferngully/Dances with Wolves/WHATEVER-- white man goes to native land, falls in love with the native girl, becomes a hero, etc. Of course, there're other qualities that make Avatar stand out-- the cinematographic brilliance, the relation it has to the current state of affairs, the environmental themes[I guess? I seem to also recall some animal hunting, but my memory's off], and of course that it's been able to capture the hearts and minds of so many people.
To be honest, I'd rather leave the film conversations to the actual professionals-- I'm just a layman and I'm very simple. In fact, I'm worse than a layman: I don't like movies. The total number of movies I actually enjoyed watching probably hovers around 15-20-- everything else has my lost my attention at one point or another. So, I'm a bad example.
The last movie I enjoyed in a movie theatre was probably Revolutionary Road, and that's because it's very faithful to the book.
Anyway, in the conversation, we were going back and forth, and at some point something comes up about "an African perspective", and that I and an African-American female who also disliked Avatar "didn't get it." "It" being a referent to the African perspective, or her perspective as an African, or what an average African would think about the movie, or whatever it is that she meant. I asked for an explanation, but she refused, at which point I suppose any meaningful line of conversation on that line broke down.
I was angry about it: it felt like a copout for someone who couldn't explain her point well enough. Bring up some identity issue that clearly disables your opponent from rebuttal-- all smoke and mirrors for a weak position. But, I think one thing I've learned is that people from underrepresented groups are not required to educate the ignorant masses[ie: me] about whatever misunderstandings we have. We need to educate ourselves; this burden shifting to the people with knowledge on the subject[ie: Adaora] is unfair and a vestige of privilege. Or so the liberals would say.
I think it's because I can understand this line of protest that I didn't write off her entire argument as rubbish.
It did have me thinking about African identity though, and that is a good thing.
--
Now, I think I've been a bit naive about "black." Actually, I think I'm naive about nomenclature in general-- liberals like to make a big deal about the power of words, the attachments they have, all that jazz. This is when my conservative impulse kicks in and I start to say "f*ck it", but I can somewhat get it, even if I'm not persuaded. The issues with "queer" or "gay" for example-- the images they're associated with, or whatever gripes people apparently have with the terms.
ETA: Actually, I suppose it is persuasive as I think about it: there's probably a deserved anger at being coopted into a movement that doesn't even recognize that you exist, pretends to tell your story even though it has nothing to do with you and refuses to engage you while subsuming you. I was being overly being derisive; this is very persuasive. I guess I'm not entirely convinced that nomenclature rejection is the way out, but. But.
I guess I've been similarly under the interpretation that Black wasn't really an objectionable term. If you have a drop of Black blood, you're Black. Of course, self-identification is a component, but this reclassification of people with mixed ancestry as something other than...Black is a revision of Black history and ignores the fact that Black people are and have been mixed for centuries.
Anyway. A definition with the term it defines in the definition, how useful is that? Black, I thought, was African ancestry of some sort-- whatever that means. There, catchall.
Of course, nomenclature issues. I think I've vaguely been aware of the fact that there are people who fit my understanding who don't identify as Black, and I've been trying to brainstorm as to why. One of the reasons is the more obvious one that I've known for a while-- African Americans are pathetic, to speak harshly. The lack of education, the health afflictions, the incarceration rates, ghetto culture, the current state of hip-hop and the negative impression we apparently leave upon every other demographic in this country.
Fine. I get that.
I imagine another is that "Black" as a movement, term, or whatever, is a fiction created by African Americans. I guess what I mean is that non-African-American-African-descended people["NAADP"] might be hostile to being subsumed into Black because they have had very little part in its construction. It was invented by African-Americans, largely discusses the African American experience[whatever that is? Neither am I sure of its veracity], and makes no reference to the lives that NAAADP people live. It's based on an American conception of race that most of the world doesn't even acknowledge, so the entire point of view of some greater "Black" diaspora is invalid.[Though, I'd imagine a Pan-African something or other would have more credence]
Or maybe that it's presumptuous-- should we all just identify as African instead?
Alright, I'm losing clarity and this entry is being unwieldy for me to continue a proper discussion. The point is: Black is simple. I assumed there was an automatic concession that the Black experience is varied and complicated, but that may be false. I imagine African-African-American relations must also play some part-- ignorance on both sides, whatever. I certainly remember some of the horrible things my classmates said about a classmate who came from Kenya when I was in middle school. Though, they were mainly Caribbean-American, so...is that a different issue?
Another reason I wanted to move to China: Americans, including the immigrants who move here, are so touchy for one reason or another. Didn't really have any issues with the Tanzanians and the Ethiopians I hung with, but I also didn't identify them as Black, at least out loud. So maybe that made things easier? We didn't really need a conversation about race.
These conversations, man. To quote Ke$hia: "Blah blah blah."
Sorry, also: the quality of this entry is much lower than I expected, but my computer also crashed and I lost most of what I originally wrote, so. I'll try to keep things at a higher standard as I get back into the swing of things.
Deuces.
Finals are over. Finished my craptastic write-on: for those who had the common sense not to go to law school, the "write-on" refers to the amazing writing application process in which 1Ls try to write onto one of the law journals at school.
Lawyers and upperclass students tell us journal status is necessary, and I suppose that should be gospel for us 1Ls who just want to make it into biglaw[read: one of the fabulous law firms where you make tons of money and have little time to spend it]. Maybe I'll write about my feelings about the law in a bit. Deserves several posts.
I finished that process on Monday, barely making it to a midnight post-office, and have been brain dead ever since. Reading stuff at Top Law Schools and beating myself up over not having good grades, and really just wanting to lie around. And watch Chinese TV.
--
I was somewhere, though, somewhere online. And I remembered a conversation I was having with a friend, Adaora, about Avatar, the movie. Of all things, eh? I'm not a fan of the movie, and think it's pretty much a rip of Ferngully/Dances with Wolves/WHATEVER-- white man goes to native land, falls in love with the native girl, becomes a hero, etc. Of course, there're other qualities that make Avatar stand out-- the cinematographic brilliance, the relation it has to the current state of affairs, the environmental themes[I guess? I seem to also recall some animal hunting, but my memory's off], and of course that it's been able to capture the hearts and minds of so many people.
To be honest, I'd rather leave the film conversations to the actual professionals-- I'm just a layman and I'm very simple. In fact, I'm worse than a layman: I don't like movies. The total number of movies I actually enjoyed watching probably hovers around 15-20-- everything else has my lost my attention at one point or another. So, I'm a bad example.
The last movie I enjoyed in a movie theatre was probably Revolutionary Road, and that's because it's very faithful to the book.
Anyway, in the conversation, we were going back and forth, and at some point something comes up about "an African perspective", and that I and an African-American female who also disliked Avatar "didn't get it." "It" being a referent to the African perspective, or her perspective as an African, or what an average African would think about the movie, or whatever it is that she meant. I asked for an explanation, but she refused, at which point I suppose any meaningful line of conversation on that line broke down.
I was angry about it: it felt like a copout for someone who couldn't explain her point well enough. Bring up some identity issue that clearly disables your opponent from rebuttal-- all smoke and mirrors for a weak position. But, I think one thing I've learned is that people from underrepresented groups are not required to educate the ignorant masses[ie: me] about whatever misunderstandings we have. We need to educate ourselves; this burden shifting to the people with knowledge on the subject[ie: Adaora] is unfair and a vestige of privilege. Or so the liberals would say.
I think it's because I can understand this line of protest that I didn't write off her entire argument as rubbish.
It did have me thinking about African identity though, and that is a good thing.
--
Now, I think I've been a bit naive about "black." Actually, I think I'm naive about nomenclature in general-- liberals like to make a big deal about the power of words, the attachments they have, all that jazz. This is when my conservative impulse kicks in and I start to say "f*ck it", but I can somewhat get it, even if I'm not persuaded. The issues with "queer" or "gay" for example-- the images they're associated with, or whatever gripes people apparently have with the terms.
ETA: Actually, I suppose it is persuasive as I think about it: there's probably a deserved anger at being coopted into a movement that doesn't even recognize that you exist, pretends to tell your story even though it has nothing to do with you and refuses to engage you while subsuming you. I was being overly being derisive; this is very persuasive. I guess I'm not entirely convinced that nomenclature rejection is the way out, but. But.
I guess I've been similarly under the interpretation that Black wasn't really an objectionable term. If you have a drop of Black blood, you're Black. Of course, self-identification is a component, but this reclassification of people with mixed ancestry as something other than...Black is a revision of Black history and ignores the fact that Black people are and have been mixed for centuries.
Anyway. A definition with the term it defines in the definition, how useful is that? Black, I thought, was African ancestry of some sort-- whatever that means. There, catchall.
Of course, nomenclature issues. I think I've vaguely been aware of the fact that there are people who fit my understanding who don't identify as Black, and I've been trying to brainstorm as to why. One of the reasons is the more obvious one that I've known for a while-- African Americans are pathetic, to speak harshly. The lack of education, the health afflictions, the incarceration rates, ghetto culture, the current state of hip-hop and the negative impression we apparently leave upon every other demographic in this country.
Fine. I get that.
I imagine another is that "Black" as a movement, term, or whatever, is a fiction created by African Americans. I guess what I mean is that non-African-American-African-descended people["NAADP"] might be hostile to being subsumed into Black because they have had very little part in its construction. It was invented by African-Americans, largely discusses the African American experience[whatever that is? Neither am I sure of its veracity], and makes no reference to the lives that NAAADP people live. It's based on an American conception of race that most of the world doesn't even acknowledge, so the entire point of view of some greater "Black" diaspora is invalid.[Though, I'd imagine a Pan-African something or other would have more credence]
Or maybe that it's presumptuous-- should we all just identify as African instead?
Alright, I'm losing clarity and this entry is being unwieldy for me to continue a proper discussion. The point is: Black is simple. I assumed there was an automatic concession that the Black experience is varied and complicated, but that may be false. I imagine African-African-American relations must also play some part-- ignorance on both sides, whatever. I certainly remember some of the horrible things my classmates said about a classmate who came from Kenya when I was in middle school. Though, they were mainly Caribbean-American, so...is that a different issue?
Another reason I wanted to move to China: Americans, including the immigrants who move here, are so touchy for one reason or another. Didn't really have any issues with the Tanzanians and the Ethiopians I hung with, but I also didn't identify them as Black, at least out loud. So maybe that made things easier? We didn't really need a conversation about race.
These conversations, man. To quote Ke$hia: "Blah blah blah."
Sorry, also: the quality of this entry is much lower than I expected, but my computer also crashed and I lost most of what I originally wrote, so. I'll try to keep things at a higher standard as I get back into the swing of things.
Deuces.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
In memorium.
I just found out my great-grandmother died recently, and so I tried to write something in her honor. Nothing really captures how great of a person she was, but I thought it was the least I could do.
--
"Lucille"
My fingers snap green beans,
Forcing them from their pods,
Nectar spilling and staining
my fingers.
The mark of a good woman was
Her ability to drown in these juices at every meal,
To kiss the kitchen floor with her feet
And bless the pots with her biceps,
To inhale the dust from every fabric in her house
With her wrists. And to hold her breath and drown.
I was always an adept swimmer.
I was the type of woman who was indifferent to the stream,
To the moral fibers not within my chest,
A lone fragment, pliant but weathered.
Mulberry lips and sharp knuckles,
Eyes colored from the cotton fields,
Eyes colored from the human heart.
I was the type of woman
To kiss thunder and pray in the snow,
Knobby knees on frozen asphalt,
In silent worship of the woman named
Lucille.
--
Rest, great-grandma. I love you and hope you've found peace.
--
"Lucille"
My fingers snap green beans,
Forcing them from their pods,
Nectar spilling and staining
my fingers.
The mark of a good woman was
Her ability to drown in these juices at every meal,
To kiss the kitchen floor with her feet
And bless the pots with her biceps,
To inhale the dust from every fabric in her house
With her wrists. And to hold her breath and drown.
I was always an adept swimmer.
I was the type of woman who was indifferent to the stream,
To the moral fibers not within my chest,
A lone fragment, pliant but weathered.
Mulberry lips and sharp knuckles,
Eyes colored from the cotton fields,
Eyes colored from the human heart.
I was the type of woman
To kiss thunder and pray in the snow,
Knobby knees on frozen asphalt,
In silent worship of the woman named
Lucille.
--
Rest, great-grandma. I love you and hope you've found peace.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Topaz Tobbogans
So, as I'm sure I've mentioned, I tend to always have some problem or another with car pools or otherwise riding with people.
A friend of mine here, a classmate, has been giving me rides for most of the semester but last week told me she wouldn't be able to. I went back to the bus. Yesterday, though, she told me it would be cool to ride with her again but when I got there[approximately the same time we usually left], she was already gone.
I'm not entirely sure what to make of it, but it was at the very least frustrating. All I can really recollect are the feelings once I get there and realize I have no way to get to class. How much this reminds me of last semester, of high school, of the helplessness and feelings of distress. And then I think that if only I knew how to drive, or if I didn't depend on people as much as I did, this wouldn't be happening to me over and over. I clearly must enjoy this.
Anyway, so I called cab after cab since no one apparently knows how to get one in less than a half hour to arrive at my place. Finally got one. And then, because I was waiting near the high way, I saw a mentor from the Black Law Student Association; he and his ladyfriend gave me ride to school. Literally a Godsend. I was sort of befuddled and tired but I think I managed to express my gratitude.
Point is. I will be going back to taking the bus until I get my license. It's the same story over and over and I'm really the only one responsible for getting myself to class everyday.
I wish I had a transporter.
--
I also wanted to blog about first degree murder and risk-taking in the law.
I was recently called on in my Criminal Law class to talk about Midgett v. State. Midgett v. State was a case about a father of two or so children who abused his son to death. The guy was 6 feet, 300 lbs; his son was 45 lbs, all of eight years old. Abused him for a substantial amount of time; eventually the blunt force trauma that he delivered caused the kid's death. There was also discoloration and signs of malnourishment on the boy. The sister testified that the father was a drinker and that she saw the dad hit the boy.
Now, the primary difference in Arkansas between 1st and 2nd degree murder convictions is that 1st requires evidence of premeditation/deliberation. Midgett countered that there was no evidence showing that; rather, he only wanted to abuse his child. And even if he did have an intent to kill, it was developed in a "drunken, heated rage", which I imagine should negate the premeditation requirement and drop him to 2nd degree.
The court ruled, correctly I think, that there was no ground for 1st degree murder. While Midgett starved the kid, he didn't starve the kid to death. And while he beat him, I don't think any of us who don't have formal physiological training generally know how much abuse a human body can take before the person actually dies-- I could easily conceive of the guy thinking he would hit the kid until he vented all of his frustration without any expectation of the kid's death.
Premeditation requires some showing that before beating the boy to death, Midgett at least contemplated or realized the likelihood of the boy's death. Nothing really here besides the fact that a father, albeit a horrible, drunken one, enjoyed hitting his child with excessive force.
Be that as it may, the description was pretty graphic and I have no doubt that I would have voted for 1st degree murder for Midgett. This was apparently astounding to my Criminal Law professor. As she made me engage with her in typical socratic method fashion, she asked about my feelings about the decision and I explained that essentially jurors are probably unsympathetic to what are really errors on the part of lawmakers-- had there been a law on the books that causing death in the act of abusing a child qualifies as 1st degree murder, then he could have been correctly convicted. Because there was no such law, jurors were being forced to choose a lesser sentence in spite of the egregious circumstances. I definitely would have chose to convict for 1st degree murder not for actually satisfying the formal requirements but for the expressive purpose: as an expression of society's condemnation, it only makes sense to deliver the highest punishment available to Midgett.
This was apparently bewildering. A jurist not following the rules?
Anyway, there was more socratic method, and she asked me about why defendants ask for jury instruction on lesser sentences when they might just get acquitted[I'd explain, but it'd probably take a while], I only became more convinced of another point: regardless of whatever thinkers like to tell themselves, the explanations in law casebooks and given by professors is not realistic. In fact, I'd say most of the discussion we go through is more or less fiction-- I don't actually think lawyers think the reasoning is actually valid, do they? In fact, I'd say most of the justifications/policy discussions around law are really just mental acrobatics.
It's really just like philosophy, another field divorced from reality.
So, while it's all interesting and I do think there's insight to be gained, I'm not particularly convinced of the policy reasons behind a lot of law, and when I engage in discussions with my professors, I'm always wondering if they actually believe what they're telling me or if we just learn it just because.
I guess that makes me a skeptic.
Alright...Post Office in a little while in the job scramble.
A friend of mine here, a classmate, has been giving me rides for most of the semester but last week told me she wouldn't be able to. I went back to the bus. Yesterday, though, she told me it would be cool to ride with her again but when I got there[approximately the same time we usually left], she was already gone.
I'm not entirely sure what to make of it, but it was at the very least frustrating. All I can really recollect are the feelings once I get there and realize I have no way to get to class. How much this reminds me of last semester, of high school, of the helplessness and feelings of distress. And then I think that if only I knew how to drive, or if I didn't depend on people as much as I did, this wouldn't be happening to me over and over. I clearly must enjoy this.
Anyway, so I called cab after cab since no one apparently knows how to get one in less than a half hour to arrive at my place. Finally got one. And then, because I was waiting near the high way, I saw a mentor from the Black Law Student Association; he and his ladyfriend gave me ride to school. Literally a Godsend. I was sort of befuddled and tired but I think I managed to express my gratitude.
Point is. I will be going back to taking the bus until I get my license. It's the same story over and over and I'm really the only one responsible for getting myself to class everyday.
I wish I had a transporter.
--
I also wanted to blog about first degree murder and risk-taking in the law.
I was recently called on in my Criminal Law class to talk about Midgett v. State. Midgett v. State was a case about a father of two or so children who abused his son to death. The guy was 6 feet, 300 lbs; his son was 45 lbs, all of eight years old. Abused him for a substantial amount of time; eventually the blunt force trauma that he delivered caused the kid's death. There was also discoloration and signs of malnourishment on the boy. The sister testified that the father was a drinker and that she saw the dad hit the boy.
Now, the primary difference in Arkansas between 1st and 2nd degree murder convictions is that 1st requires evidence of premeditation/deliberation. Midgett countered that there was no evidence showing that; rather, he only wanted to abuse his child. And even if he did have an intent to kill, it was developed in a "drunken, heated rage", which I imagine should negate the premeditation requirement and drop him to 2nd degree.
The court ruled, correctly I think, that there was no ground for 1st degree murder. While Midgett starved the kid, he didn't starve the kid to death. And while he beat him, I don't think any of us who don't have formal physiological training generally know how much abuse a human body can take before the person actually dies-- I could easily conceive of the guy thinking he would hit the kid until he vented all of his frustration without any expectation of the kid's death.
Premeditation requires some showing that before beating the boy to death, Midgett at least contemplated or realized the likelihood of the boy's death. Nothing really here besides the fact that a father, albeit a horrible, drunken one, enjoyed hitting his child with excessive force.
Be that as it may, the description was pretty graphic and I have no doubt that I would have voted for 1st degree murder for Midgett. This was apparently astounding to my Criminal Law professor. As she made me engage with her in typical socratic method fashion, she asked about my feelings about the decision and I explained that essentially jurors are probably unsympathetic to what are really errors on the part of lawmakers-- had there been a law on the books that causing death in the act of abusing a child qualifies as 1st degree murder, then he could have been correctly convicted. Because there was no such law, jurors were being forced to choose a lesser sentence in spite of the egregious circumstances. I definitely would have chose to convict for 1st degree murder not for actually satisfying the formal requirements but for the expressive purpose: as an expression of society's condemnation, it only makes sense to deliver the highest punishment available to Midgett.
This was apparently bewildering. A jurist not following the rules?
Anyway, there was more socratic method, and she asked me about why defendants ask for jury instruction on lesser sentences when they might just get acquitted[I'd explain, but it'd probably take a while], I only became more convinced of another point: regardless of whatever thinkers like to tell themselves, the explanations in law casebooks and given by professors is not realistic. In fact, I'd say most of the discussion we go through is more or less fiction-- I don't actually think lawyers think the reasoning is actually valid, do they? In fact, I'd say most of the justifications/policy discussions around law are really just mental acrobatics.
It's really just like philosophy, another field divorced from reality.
So, while it's all interesting and I do think there's insight to be gained, I'm not particularly convinced of the policy reasons behind a lot of law, and when I engage in discussions with my professors, I'm always wondering if they actually believe what they're telling me or if we just learn it just because.
I guess that makes me a skeptic.
Alright...Post Office in a little while in the job scramble.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
A little bird showed me
The title's from one of my recent artist addictions, Jose James; he's featured on a song, "Little Bird", from Jazzanova. Really beautiful piece; the combination of the instruments in the background and his smooth voice really created a nice song. I sent it to the boyfriend as a testament to my feelings.
Give it a listen when you get a chance.
--
Again, trying to give up top-40. I'll try to include more music that I'm listening to.
Let's see. I'm in the library right now. I have a to-do list of things to do but when I start any one thing-- I never know how to finish it. For example, driving. That deserves a series of posts on its own merits, but. In my efforts to actually get my license at some point, I'm trying to finish the last hour of my lessons. No instructor seems to be responding to my call. I'm not sure whether or not word has spread around this desolate little Michigan town that I am the worst driving student known to man, but. The point is, no one takes my call, and it stays on my to-do list. My to-do list grows larger.
I think I'm just going to set up a road test like I said I would and keep taking it until I pass.
I know I said I'd talk re: DADT[Don't Ask Don't Tell] but more recently, an article was passed around on the LGBTQ listserv at UMich Law that state rep Paul Scott here in Michigan is "[making it a priority it a priority to ensure transgender individuals will not be allowed to change the sex on their driver’s license in any circumstance."
Typical obfuscatory politics.
To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what issues Mr. Scott could bring up, but there are certainly more pressing ones than “preventing people who are males genetically from dressing as a woman and going into female bathrooms.”
It's this typical sort of fear-mongering that's characteristic of Republican politics that disappoints me so much with their leadership. Even if Dems are nutty, Republicans leave you very little choice. Minus the Tea Party stuff...but I can discuss that in another entry.
Anyway, there are anti-discrimination laws in place against gender disphoria, which qualifies as a disability, but Mr. Scott doesn't believe he'll run afoul of them. I guess.
Source is here.
Next entry will probably be about some of the things we discuss in Criminal Law/Civil Procedure/Constitutional Law. Might do one tonight. Who knows~
Give it a listen when you get a chance.
--
Again, trying to give up top-40. I'll try to include more music that I'm listening to.
Let's see. I'm in the library right now. I have a to-do list of things to do but when I start any one thing-- I never know how to finish it. For example, driving. That deserves a series of posts on its own merits, but. In my efforts to actually get my license at some point, I'm trying to finish the last hour of my lessons. No instructor seems to be responding to my call. I'm not sure whether or not word has spread around this desolate little Michigan town that I am the worst driving student known to man, but. The point is, no one takes my call, and it stays on my to-do list. My to-do list grows larger.
I think I'm just going to set up a road test like I said I would and keep taking it until I pass.
I know I said I'd talk re: DADT[Don't Ask Don't Tell] but more recently, an article was passed around on the LGBTQ listserv at UMich Law that state rep Paul Scott here in Michigan is "[making it a priority it a priority to ensure transgender individuals will not be allowed to change the sex on their driver’s license in any circumstance."
Typical obfuscatory politics.
To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what issues Mr. Scott could bring up, but there are certainly more pressing ones than “preventing people who are males genetically from dressing as a woman and going into female bathrooms.”
It's this typical sort of fear-mongering that's characteristic of Republican politics that disappoints me so much with their leadership. Even if Dems are nutty, Republicans leave you very little choice. Minus the Tea Party stuff...but I can discuss that in another entry.
Anyway, there are anti-discrimination laws in place against gender disphoria, which qualifies as a disability, but Mr. Scott doesn't believe he'll run afoul of them. I guess.
Source is here.
Next entry will probably be about some of the things we discuss in Criminal Law/Civil Procedure/Constitutional Law. Might do one tonight. Who knows~
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
RE:: Phoenicians and Lengthy Light Years
So, this is something like my return.
In a short review, I have given up or at least strictly limited my participation in everything dear to me. These things are:
--comic books
--comic book forums
--facebook
--other forums
--ONTD/gossip websites
--Engadget/most blog sites
In exchange, I'll probably start blogging about law stuff all of the time in an attempt to become a better law student.
In class now, but I'll start blogging about the potential repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell in a bit. Hope to update you guys as well relatively soon, for those who still follow.
Much love,
Steven
In a short review, I have given up or at least strictly limited my participation in everything dear to me. These things are:
--comic books
--comic book forums
--other forums
--ONTD/gossip websites
--Engadget/most blog sites
In exchange, I'll probably start blogging about law stuff all of the time in an attempt to become a better law student.
In class now, but I'll start blogging about the potential repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell in a bit. Hope to update you guys as well relatively soon, for those who still follow.
Much love,
Steven
Friday, October 30, 2009
Houston...
...we've got a problem.
When it gets to the point that I'm bawling after a driving lesson, there's probably an issue.
I'm not entirely sure why I'm so self-critical, or why even writing this on a public computer at the law school is bringing me to tears, but it needs to stop. I don't entirely understand it-- even fumbling a bit in class today in front of all of my classmates when I obviously didn't adequately know the reading wasn't as emotionally draining.
I don't know why I break myself down in the way that I do, but hopefully I'll learn to stop.
I get it. I am a bad driver when thousands of 16 year olds do this stuff in their sleep. And yes, I know, I know-- experience, not everyone picks it up as fast, whatever. Yes, my driver is an overly smarmy 50something who talks to me as if I am a child, further exacerbating my rage at myself.
And then I beat myself up even further for being crazy/not manning up/not being able to go out in public without breaking out into tears. It never ends! I am my cruelest enemy.
My shirt is practically drenched with sweat. My head hurts. Like, what is all this!? And it wasn't even *that* bad-- I mean, I drove, got berated a bunch of times, same old same old.
Blah. Happy Halloween!
[I swear, there's a lot of good stuff to write about; I'll eventually sit down and do that at some point.]
When it gets to the point that I'm bawling after a driving lesson, there's probably an issue.
I'm not entirely sure why I'm so self-critical, or why even writing this on a public computer at the law school is bringing me to tears, but it needs to stop. I don't entirely understand it-- even fumbling a bit in class today in front of all of my classmates when I obviously didn't adequately know the reading wasn't as emotionally draining.
I don't know why I break myself down in the way that I do, but hopefully I'll learn to stop.
I get it. I am a bad driver when thousands of 16 year olds do this stuff in their sleep. And yes, I know, I know-- experience, not everyone picks it up as fast, whatever. Yes, my driver is an overly smarmy 50something who talks to me as if I am a child, further exacerbating my rage at myself.
And then I beat myself up even further for being crazy/not manning up/not being able to go out in public without breaking out into tears. It never ends! I am my cruelest enemy.
My shirt is practically drenched with sweat. My head hurts. Like, what is all this!? And it wasn't even *that* bad-- I mean, I drove, got berated a bunch of times, same old same old.
Blah. Happy Halloween!
[I swear, there's a lot of good stuff to write about; I'll eventually sit down and do that at some point.]
Thursday, October 22, 2009
And if you've got room.
If there is something I am tired of hearing, it is, "this is too hard for me."
Boo hoo hoo.
I have just about exhausted my fucking sympathy.
Oh, distance, you will be the death of me. Three times now! I must be a slow learner. It might actually be time for me to close the heart off for good.
We'll see how things go. But I'm prepared.
Another breakup-makeup post. Haven't done those in a while.
[See? I am back. Sort of.
If you've got room.]
Boo hoo hoo.
I have just about exhausted my fucking sympathy.
Oh, distance, you will be the death of me. Three times now! I must be a slow learner. It might actually be time for me to close the heart off for good.
We'll see how things go. But I'm prepared.
Another breakup-makeup post. Haven't done those in a while.
[See? I am back. Sort of.
If you've got room.]
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
He regresado.
I suppose that means I'm back.
I've been thinking of how much I missed blogging-- surprise, surprise. Maybe I just needed a reprieve? Anyway. I thought I would start a new blog but reviving this one makes sense, too.
And here we are.
I'll give something like a recap of the past few months later. For now, I'll talk about the first news article I came across on Google News-- a police officer from Boston getting suspended because of his email.
The case is, of course, related to Henry Louis Gates. It turns out Sputnik years and years ago was, also, related to Henry Louis Gates-- EVERYTHING is related to HLG. To be honest, I was tired of the story as soon as I first heard it. I do not understand why everyone feels like talking about it-- feels like a trap, if there ever was one. Anyway, the story does not really interest me in the slightest, though I do argue for a certain interpretation usually when the issue is brought up...just to stir the pot.
Apparently, Justin Barrett, an officer from the Boston Police Department, wrote about Gates and the incident, referring to Gates as a, "jungle monkey." Whereas the Gates incident[Or Gatesgate!?] was muddled with elitism, politics, and other nonsense that makes the case really more of a distraction and waste of resources than a true front to expose[and hopefully combat] racism, this one is much more clear cut.
There are two issues. First, or the one that I first thought about, was the issue of privacy. Barrett's statement wasn't verbal-- it was via email. To be honest, this part seems fishy-- was it his hotmail account or was it the Boston PD account? Is the BPD now refitting the Patriot Act to look for emails from terrorists AND racists? I do not know. The Boston Globe also has this to say about Menino: "The mayor said he has not seen the e-mail and while the officer is not officially terminated, he might as well be. 'He’s gone - g-o-n-e. I don’t care, it’s like cancer, you don’t keep those cancers around.’"
A little early, I think, to say that type of thing without having seen the eMail.
But, it seems like Barrett hasn't denied the email itself, but has rather been going after the second issue: that it isn't racist. Wait, what? Yeah, me too.
Besides the history 'jungle monkey' has as a racial epithet used to describe Black people in this country...yeah, not going to fly. He also claims that he "didn't intend to offend anyone", which seems like a fishy statement. The words are obviously offensive. It may not have been his intent to do so, but he knew that there was reasonable likelihood that they would. In this type of case, his intentions aren't so important.
Do I think he should get fired? I don't know. I find it weird, the standard we hold policemen and policewomen to. Do they even get paid that much? Do they deserve the smearing that they get? This sort of fearmongering might not be healthy, in the long run. Probably already isn't. Might engender more discontent among the police force and further ruin relations between the Boston Black community and the BPD. And apparently Barrett has no disciplinary record in his two years being on the force. And he might get fired in the following weeks for an email?
I thought something more reasonable might have been suspension with mandatory training, or something other. Even Crowley isn't getting fired. Do we really need to add to the unemployment line?
So, no, he probably shouldn't be getting fired. Oh well.
This is Boston.
Later, folks.
I've been thinking of how much I missed blogging-- surprise, surprise. Maybe I just needed a reprieve? Anyway. I thought I would start a new blog but reviving this one makes sense, too.
And here we are.
I'll give something like a recap of the past few months later. For now, I'll talk about the first news article I came across on Google News-- a police officer from Boston getting suspended because of his email.
The case is, of course, related to Henry Louis Gates. It turns out Sputnik years and years ago was, also, related to Henry Louis Gates-- EVERYTHING is related to HLG. To be honest, I was tired of the story as soon as I first heard it. I do not understand why everyone feels like talking about it-- feels like a trap, if there ever was one. Anyway, the story does not really interest me in the slightest, though I do argue for a certain interpretation usually when the issue is brought up...just to stir the pot.
Apparently, Justin Barrett, an officer from the Boston Police Department, wrote about Gates and the incident, referring to Gates as a, "jungle monkey." Whereas the Gates incident[Or Gatesgate!?] was muddled with elitism, politics, and other nonsense that makes the case really more of a distraction and waste of resources than a true front to expose[and hopefully combat] racism, this one is much more clear cut.
There are two issues. First, or the one that I first thought about, was the issue of privacy. Barrett's statement wasn't verbal-- it was via email. To be honest, this part seems fishy-- was it his hotmail account or was it the Boston PD account? Is the BPD now refitting the Patriot Act to look for emails from terrorists AND racists? I do not know. The Boston Globe also has this to say about Menino: "The mayor said he has not seen the e-mail and while the officer is not officially terminated, he might as well be. 'He’s gone - g-o-n-e. I don’t care, it’s like cancer, you don’t keep those cancers around.’"
A little early, I think, to say that type of thing without having seen the eMail.
But, it seems like Barrett hasn't denied the email itself, but has rather been going after the second issue: that it isn't racist. Wait, what? Yeah, me too.
Besides the history 'jungle monkey' has as a racial epithet used to describe Black people in this country...yeah, not going to fly. He also claims that he "didn't intend to offend anyone", which seems like a fishy statement. The words are obviously offensive. It may not have been his intent to do so, but he knew that there was reasonable likelihood that they would. In this type of case, his intentions aren't so important.
Do I think he should get fired? I don't know. I find it weird, the standard we hold policemen and policewomen to. Do they even get paid that much? Do they deserve the smearing that they get? This sort of fearmongering might not be healthy, in the long run. Probably already isn't. Might engender more discontent among the police force and further ruin relations between the Boston Black community and the BPD. And apparently Barrett has no disciplinary record in his two years being on the force. And he might get fired in the following weeks for an email?
I thought something more reasonable might have been suspension with mandatory training, or something other. Even Crowley isn't getting fired. Do we really need to add to the unemployment line?
So, no, he probably shouldn't be getting fired. Oh well.
This is Boston.
Later, folks.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
A cause des garcons.
Talk about inconsistent.
I decided something close to a few weeks ago that life is much better when I don't take myself so seriously & feel the need to comment on it all the time.
I also have an internet dependency...surprise, surprise.
And so, I'm trying with limited success to...get over that. You know, 2009, all that.
Limited success.
Very excited that my college career is about to end. Need a change of scene.
Currently, busy pretending to finish all of my applications for Law/Grad schools. Took my GREs last week. Reaching for the stars, hoping one falls within reach.
I might change blog addresses & give up olashorty altogether, due to circumstances that you can probably guess. One of the difficulties of keeping a blog relatively public, I guess.
Due to my falling in love with Yelle...I am now studying French. And it's fucking fun.
Life's getting a little interesting now that I can laugh at myself more and have gotten better at disengaging.
I hope you all enjoyed your holidays & aren't too busy making trite resolutions for 2009. ;)
A CAUSE DES GARCONS.
I decided something close to a few weeks ago that life is much better when I don't take myself so seriously & feel the need to comment on it all the time.
I also have an internet dependency...surprise, surprise.
And so, I'm trying with limited success to...get over that. You know, 2009, all that.
Limited success.
Very excited that my college career is about to end. Need a change of scene.
Currently, busy pretending to finish all of my applications for Law/Grad schools. Took my GREs last week. Reaching for the stars, hoping one falls within reach.
I might change blog addresses & give up olashorty altogether, due to circumstances that you can probably guess. One of the difficulties of keeping a blog relatively public, I guess.
Due to my falling in love with Yelle...I am now studying French. And it's fucking fun.
Life's getting a little interesting now that I can laugh at myself more and have gotten better at disengaging.
I hope you all enjoyed your holidays & aren't too busy making trite resolutions for 2009. ;)
A CAUSE DES GARCONS.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Orange peels, covering up my heart
It's odd that my lack of a love life is worth addressing nowadays?
Via conversation with my best friend:
Elle (1:04:34 AM): i must confess something...
Moi(1:04:45 AM): go ahead, my child
Elle(1:04:56 AM): i hate seeing you single
Moi (1:05:01 AM): ?
Elle (1:05:01 AM): please find a bf asap
And that is exactly why we are best friends. How I've missed her and her pow wows.
I should be working, but I gave up hours ago. I wish I could trust myself to nap and wake up at 5/6 to continue.
So less stressed now that LSATs are over. Now I just need to start GRE/fellowship stuff...
Love you long time. Hopefully I can get back to blogging soon. At least over break.
Love you long time.
Via conversation with my best friend:
Elle (1:04:34 AM): i must confess something...
Moi(1:04:45 AM): go ahead, my child
Elle(1:04:56 AM): i hate seeing you single
Moi (1:05:01 AM): ?
Elle (1:05:01 AM): please find a bf asap
And that is exactly why we are best friends. How I've missed her and her pow wows.
I should be working, but I gave up hours ago. I wish I could trust myself to nap and wake up at 5/6 to continue.
So less stressed now that LSATs are over. Now I just need to start GRE/fellowship stuff...
Love you long time. Hopefully I can get back to blogging soon. At least over break.
Love you long time.
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