I can smell a revolution on my upper lip: I'm gonna kiss and tell.

Don't mind the title. There was some cool idea in my head but my fingers have minds of their own.

New Word:

Encomium - a formal expression of praise

I can...work with that.

Okay, I've actually had things to write about for the past few days[like, my violent dreams, my drama with passports and visas, and my mother's birthday, for examples] but I've been too listless to actually commit myself to writing an entry.

This entry will probably be about talking more mess about goals, only to forget them later. I need to think of a new strategy for sticking to these things. Anyone got any ideas?[I was gonna do post-its...but I was discouraged when I couldn't find any around. I'll look again.]

It's already June and I've already forgotten every goal I made for New Year's.[Though, knowing me, working out was probably one of them.] It's ridiculous. So, maybe I should just be understanding of myself, of my bad memory and my bad resolve, and make goals every few weeks. That way, it's always fresh on my mind.

I don't know.

A few goals.

1. Job by the end of next week.[Supplement: Bet with Pierrette for $10.] Get this stick out of my ass and this pretension out of my mind hinging on comparison with my peers-- the time's gone for an impressive job. Now, I just need cash. I wonder how many jibes I'm going to need from my friends and family before I feel any sense of urgency. Like, it's ridiculous-- I talk a lot of garbage about needing a job, boo freaking hoo, but I don't feel anything. So nothing happens. I'm having trouble churning out determination.

It's also not exactly as if I haven't been trying-- I've sent my resume to about 20 places to date. But it probably also has something to do with the fact that I have been applying to jobs out of my reach. Maybe.

2. Workout every other day. I did some pushups yesterday, I think. Which means tomorrow is gonna my lifting day. More cardio, better eating, all that mess that I haven't followed through on.

3. RE-LEARN CODING. It's funny, because I spend so much time near or on a computer being indolent and doing absolutely nothing, when I could be spending that time learning stuff about programming. And it's not like the tools aren't there. So...I'm gonna work on that. At least practice for like an hour or two a day. Maybe I'll set an alarm for coding time.

4. Two+ chapters in my Chinese textbooks everyday, half a chapter+ in my Japanese book every day. To my credit, I actually have been doing a lot of Chinese and Japanese reading online, mainly Japanese. So, I don't feel too pressed about this one-- I've been more or less keeping up at a pace I wanted to.

5. Read some books. I won't press this either because I've been pretty good about reading. And when I get a job, hopefully I won't have the time.

6. Less ego. I really need to get truly embarrassed. I think I've been really overconfident lately and I need to get out of this...mood.

7. Write a half of a novel or script by the end of June. With Summer having had me read the script she's been working on, I was really impressed and disappointed in myself. My writing has really become nonexistent-- even poetry, I don't even do that anymore. Also, I was reading Trouble Boy, which I meant to review but...didn't. Anyway, the main character has a script he's writing, and that just reminded me all the more about how I've been neglecting my writing.

A few problems: the form of the writing? I definitely prefer reading long, verbose prose which seems to point in the direction of a novel. But, especially with a small acting background, I like scripts as well-- they're easier to handle and they seem a lot more straight forward. They also just seem downright easier to write. But I also have no eye for direction/filming/whatever, so that's another point in the direction of the novel idea. I know there are alternatives-- short stories, poems, whatever. What I think might wind up happening is a novel...with really short chapters. =P

There's also the problem of content-- I have a few ideas in my head, but one of them has always been based on a semi-autobiographical protagonist/narrator. And Summer already has a straight-laced, black gay male as her lead, so...it sort of feels like copying. On the other hand, I do feel as if I have a very specific story to tell, but I really didn't want to base anyone so closely on my life anyway.

There's also the problem of this being my first shot at anything substantial-- I feel as if I'm actually going to do this, I should try a trial run with something less important to me? I feel as if I'd be biased towards something so close to me and not be as critical as I would need to be.

We'll see. I'm kind of unsure about things, now.

8. Talk to people LESS online. Without spilling any beans or getting further into it, it's as if I cannot like people online and in real life. Maybe it's the disconnect between "netiquette"[which I just heard of today] and etiquette.


I'm really just thinking of limiting my contact with social networking sites as much as possible. It's bad.

9. I forgot.

Well, this post is probably long enough.

Deuces.

ETA: Oh, I remembered for lucky number nine. Write shorter entries, more often.